My Dark Secret
by McNasty4Slytherins
Summary: "No,No,please..." Hermione's father turns abusive after the death of her mother. Mentally, emotionally, and physically ill she learns that a savior comes from the most unlikely places. Rebuilding her life one step at a time, however there r still horrors around every corner. Intense themes.Rated for Dark themes and a little smut in future chpts. Some OOC. R&R.
1. Chapter 1

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter one: Abuse**

**I do not own anything you my recognize or characters just plot. I decided to try another story hope you like it. Hermione is of age, warning rape is applied and a little dark you been warned.**

Hermione Granger hid in her room as her father once again raged around the house for her. All the while throwing things in his drunken state.

"Where are you, you little bitch?" she heard him yell followed by a crash. She knew she was making it worse as she hid from him.

Tears streamed down here face as she tried to remember her life before her mother's death. They had been one of those picture perfect family, she had all the love a single child could have. That was until three days before Christmas her mother had got into a car accident on her way from the store.

Her mother 'Mary Jane Granger' died two days later on Christmas. Her father 'John Granger' blamed her for it. Yelling that she could have saved her, cursing her to the deepest parts of hell. That was just the start.

*crash* Hermione froze and looked out her closet through a tiny crack in the door. Seeing nothing she relaxed only a little, however she didn't dare move afraid she would make a noise. She couldn't stop the memories as they came back full force.

~~HGSS~~

_**Flashback**_

_The day after her mother's funeral they returned back to the house. Her father left the house saying he be back. Hermione went up stairs to pack up again to go to Hogwarts to finish up the rest of her sixth year._

_A few hours she heard the door slam shut. "Dad? Dad is that you?" she called as she walked down stairs. "Go to your room Hermione." he order her. She could here the slur in his voice. "Dad are you drunk?" she ask stepping forward._

_*slap* She fell to the ground her cheek already starting to bruise as a large handprint appeared. "Don't you dare disobey me, you understand? Now GO!"_

_He yelled. She got to her feet and ran up the stairs. She began to think of reason why her father would act that way. 'Stress, yes that's it he's stressed he's in shock'_

_The next day they acted as if it never happened, he dropped her off at King's Cross. She got one the train thinking it would be the last time it would ever happen they would work through it together._

**Flashback end**

Oh how wrong she was, as Summer came it just got worse. The beatings, yelling went on as the Summer progressed leaving her where she was now.

Suddenly the door was yanked open. "Found you, you little whore." his face was consorted in anger and red. Eyes slightly dilated, while his breath reeked of whiskey.

Grabbing a hand full of her hair he dragged her to the middle of the room. "So you want to play games, huh?" When she didn't answer he give her a swift kick in the stomach. "I had enough." he threw her on the bed and pinned her to it.

She was in tears as he started to pull down her pants and unzip his. Hermione began to struggle as she figured out was about to happen. "No, no, please get off me. No!"

"Did I tell you to speak?" and with that he began to pound her with his fist. She began to see white spots behind her eyes. She barely registered that he was now free from his pants until he thrusted into her.

She screamed in pain as he ripped her insides with every thrust he took. He sat up and pulled out a pocket knife. She began to tiredly fight back. He laughed at her attempts. "Now, now princess it's not going to hurt a bit." he smiled ruefully at her. The searing pain of the knife was the last thing she felt before she passed out.

~~HGSS~~~

Hermione awoke the next morning in mind numbing pain, bruised and battered. Slowly she made her way to the bathroom with painfully steps that sent shock waves up her body. She made it to the bathroom, and manage to step into the shower. Her body was scared and bruised the new cuts stood out in red lines the ragged flesh on her legs and arms made it look worse. The only thing not bruised was her face since she had to go to school.

Sinking to the floor she silently cried in pain and anguish, she knew better then to make any sounds. She finished showering and put on her clothes that now hung to big on her small frame. She knew today he would act as if nothing happened, today was the day she returned to Hogwarts.

Walking down stairs wincing in pain every now and then, she saw her father with the bags in his hands. "Hello, sunshine." he smiled at her and gave her a hug. She flinched and his eyes darken with fury, she knew she had to play it safe lest she wanted another beating.

"Let's go." and with that they walked out the door to the car. "So," he started the conversation off. "Whatever happened to that cat of your princess?" Tears began to leak down her face. He knew damn well what happened to Crooks, the murdering bustard killed him in one of his sick twisted games.

"He ran away daddy." she cringed at the word daddy, he was no daddy he was a monster. Arriving at King's Cross, Hermione packed her bags and waited for permission to leave.

He hugged her whispering in her ear. "Tell anyone and you will play deeply, in the most terrible way possible." and with that he walked away.

~~~HGSS~~~

Hermione found herself sitting with Ron, Ginny, and Harry on train as it pulled off. Ginny looked at Hermione with a slight frown on her face, but the looked away as she and the boys talked about how great their summers went. And how this year will be better without Voldemort breathing down their necks. "How'd your Summer go Hermione?" asked Harry with a toothy grin.

"It was great Harry, and yours?" she even managed a smile. As they rambled on, Hermione withdrew into herself and waited until they got to school. Dreading when she would have to go back home.

**I hoped you enjoyed it this chpt was just about how Hermione was treated at home and why it happened like a chpt within a bigger chpt. Yes I know not making since. So I'm shutting up. Plz review and tell me if I should continue. =]**


	2. Chapter 2

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter two: Accidents**

**I do not own characters just plot. Dumbledore is not died I hated that he had to, so instead he's been in hiding. Here's the next chpt hope you enjoy it as much as I wrote it. Thx u for the reviews. =]**

Severus Snape sat up at the high table glaring down at the noisy dunderheads they called 'students'. The feast had begun already after the hat sung it's yearly song and the sorting was done.

His eyes roamed over the tables as he watched them behave wildly. Everyone, but one however, as he glanced at the Gryffindor table. His eyes landing one thee Golden Trio, he watched as the male Weasley threw his arm around Miss. Granger. She flinched violently, but her so called 'friends' didn't seem to take note which didn't surprise him in the lest.

"Severus?" he turned his head toward Dumbledore who sat to his left. "You shouldn't stare." the twinkle in his eyes intensified. Scowling at the old man he got up and left.

~~HGSS~~~

Hermione sat at the Gryffindor table in silence as her friends chat wildly about her. She excused her silence as not feeling well, she could see Ron looking at her from time to time blushing each time. He then placed his arm around her shoulders and she jumped rather violently, but thankfully he was to far gone in the conversation to notice.

She could feel eyes on her from the head table, but didn't dare look up to meet those hard, calculating eyes that were black as ink. Out of habit she keep her head down, the last time she looked into someone's eyes she ended up being punished for such actions. No food and very little water for a week.

Slowly she stood up and excused herself and left to go to her chambers. Being Head Girl had its advantages. She walked the halls with her head down eyes slightly watered as tears try and make their way down her face. She then ran into a black wall and fell, however it turned out it was actually Snape.

"Miss. Granger," came his voice. "Kindly watch where you are going next time." he snapped at her. She stood up slowly as if expecting him to strike at her. With her head still bowed she spoke. "I-I'm so sorry professor S-Snape, it w-wont happen again." she mumbled in a whisper before continuing down the halls.

Leaving behind a confused Snape. Usually she would have fought him word for word before he gave her detention and took off points. Leaving her flushed with anger, glaring after him.

Now it was he who walked away slightly unnerved as he remembered her bowed head never once looking up as if waiting for permission. And how she stood as if waiting for him to strike her. Putting it off for later he continued down to the dungeons.

~~HGSS~~~

Once she was safely inside her chambers; Hermione warded her door. Walking over to her bookshelf she pulled out a black book with no name. She carried it over to the four - poster bed, peeling off her clothes she pulled a sharp razor from the book. She placed it on her thigh among the ragged skin marred with other cuts new and old. Where her father cut her the night before.

She soon got use to the pain as he used as punishment many times before he raped her. It helped in away to keep her mind off other things. Slowly she cut deeply into her thighs. The pain taking her away from the painful memories, the red blood contrasting brightly with her slightly pale skin.

It had lost it's glow as the Summer abuse continued. After a few more cuts to the thighs she moved to her arms, applying just enough pressure to leave only scaring. The pain brought tears to her eyes, sometimes she just wanted to slip and hit a vein and die slowly.

Now smeared in blood she walked into her bathroom, her body screaming in pain. She stood in front of her full length mirror staring at the bruises that littered her body. All old and new scars along with cuts from recent punishment. She was losing weight rapidly as he hardly feed her, but just enough to not raise questions.

She turned around to stare at the word 'Bitch' craved neatly into her back from when he first started his little games. Claiming that she needed to know her rightful place. Under his boots and body.

Having seen enough she smashed the glass with her hands. Causing them to slice open and bleed freely. Cursing slightly she sat gingerly into the tub and sat down. Turning on the water as hot as possible. Red whelps showed up on her skin as the scolding waters beat down on her. Setting the fresh, open wounds on fire.

She cried silently as all the emotions from painful memories, emotional and physical pain exited her body via tears. Turning off the water she dried off and tended to her wounds and headed off to bed.

~~HGSS~~~

"What do we have first today, Hermione?" asked Ron as he shoveled food into his mouth. Looking down at her plate she spoke. "Double Potions." Last year she manage to get Ron and Harry to take the class. Stating that they needed it to become auroras. " Ugh really, I don't think I can handle the git this early." groaned Ron.

"Well let's go, I don't wait to give him any reason to take off house points." said Harry as they got up. "Never stopped him before though." he mumbled.

Making their way down to the dungeons, Ron threw his arm over Hermione hitting some of her bruises in the processed. She flinched as little as possible trying to turn it in to a shiver.

"You okay Mione?" asked Harry as he watched her. "Yea just a little chilly." she replied back. They entered the room sitting in the back waiting as the students trickled in.*BAM* Hermione jumped as the door flew open and Snape stalked in.

Snape walked to the front of the room glaring at each student, his eyes pausing slightly on Hermone. He still hadn't forgotten last night. He then moved on. " This is N.E.W.T's double potions class, therefore I expect more out of you. I will not tolerate any foolish wand waving or mistakes." He walked in front of his desk. "How some of you managed to get in this class remains….a mystery." At this his glare was fix on Neville. Who blushed.

"Now who can tell by the ingredients on the board what potion shall be brewed today?" he drawled. Very well expecting Hermione's hand to shoot into the air he was surprised when it didn't. As was everyone else as the looked at her, even Harry and Ron.

This concerned Snape for reason unknown, he always thought the girl incredibly smart surly knew the name. However it seemed she would not be rising her hand anytime soon. Hoping to get a rise out of her he pounced.

"Does the infamous, Gryffindor know-it-all not know the answer for once in her life?" he mocked. Making the Slytherins laugh.

She kept her glued to the table and slowly shook her head 'no'. "Well please do enlighten us." he mocked again. Never once looking up she spoke. "It's skelegrow sir." He barely heard her and was amazed when she didn't go into a lengthy description about it.

Growing impatient Snape flicked his wand to the board and instructions popped up. "Get to work." he barked. Nothing seemed to make since about the Granger girl, she seemed a bit off. Not at all the quick witted girl he was used too. He watched her work for awhile before getting to the task at hand.

Slowly he made his way around the room making snide remarks as he peered in to their cauldrons. He made his way to Granger's work station. Finding her standing there with a knife, just staring at it. She probably didn't even notice he was there.

"Miss. Granger, kindly explain why you are not working." he spoke lowly from behind her. Startled she dropped the knife causing it to cut her hand deeply. Moving her hand, some blood mixed into the unstable potion. It bubbled and spilled over the edge, everyone turned and watched as it fell onto the floor. Granger. The-girl-who-couldn't -mess-up. Just destroyed her cauldron.

~~~HGSS~~~~

Hermione sat there she didn't even move out the way, nor did she care. Life just didn't matter anymore, she was broken a empty shell of a person. She didn't even feel the pain in her hand as it bleed all over the floor.

"Everyone out!" shouted Snape. "Except you, Miss. Granger." She just exploded a cauldron and didn't even seem to care. Yes, something was defiantly wrong. Nobody need to be told twice as they fled from the classroom. Harry and Ron even left without a fuss, and for that he was grateful.

"Scourgify." the mess was now cleared. It was about time he got to the bottom of this. And he was determined to find out no matter what.

**Well I hope you enjoyed this. And plz review. Also I don't mind hearing some of your ideas for another chapt im curious to what you have to say. Until later =]**


	3. Chapter 3

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter three: Discovered**

**I don't own characters just plot. Thx for the reviews. I wasn't going to upload tell weekend. But all the comments asked me to so here it is . Enjoy it was fun to write it.**

Severus walked around to stand in front of Hermione's workbench, before leaning on it. "Miss. Granger," he started "explain yourself this instant." Hermione flinched at his tone. It was so cold it felt as if it slice right through her soul. Unable to hold back she began to cry. It was the first time she ever cried out loud since her 'punishments' started. '_This is it I'm having a mental breakdown and what's worse it's in front of Snape._' she thought to herself.

Now Severus was used to making his students cry, however he couldn't help but try and comfort this one. Now startled with her sudden outburst, he tried a different approach. "Miss. Granger?" he called her name softly. When she didn't respond he slowly reached out for her. He wanted a response he got one, albeit a very surprising one but one none the lest.

Hermione flew out of her chair so fast she knocked it over in the process. He watched as she dropped into a corner on the fair side of the room. She was now visibly shaking, and her powers flared in fear. Causing her glamoured hands to fade. She pulled her legs to her chest and rocked back and forth. Her eyes darting around like a scared animal in a new surrounding.

Severus stood rooted to the spot in monetary shock, staring at the spot Hermione had just stood in. He stood and turned towards her, it was then that he got a good look at her. Realizing she must have been wearing a glamour.

Her chestnut colored hair was frizzled out and bushy. Her skin was a sickly pale, and dry looking. He noticed she lost a lot of weight, not enough to noticed but enough to cause health issues. The once beautiful amber eyes bright with happenings and power, were now dull and dark a bit cold even as if she was nothing.

He continued to look her over some more, she seemed to be in a lot of pain. Taking in her hands that were wrapped around her legs. He saw the long, angry, and red lines crossing her hands.

Hermione had a million of thoughts running through her head at that moment. '_What if he finds out. Or worse he tells and they bring __**'him'**__ here. Or worse they send me home._' More tears leaked down her face at the thoughts of more punishments.

Severus slowly took a step towards her. He needed to get a better look at her hands. Her eyes snapped up to his, and she pressed herself into the wall. "Its okay, its okay. I'm not going to hurt you, okay." he whispered to her softly. Taking another slow, and steady step.

Hermione was in full blown panicked mode as he stepped closer to her. She discreetly eyed the door, she could make it if she needed to. He took another step towards her. Her magic crackled in warning as he stepped again hands still in the air.

He was now two from her and was about to take another when she made a sound between growling and whimpering. Glass all around her shattered as her magic lashed out, causing things to explode and spill its contents.

"Hermione," he called her first name. "I just want to help, your hands are badly cut and you seem hurt." He said slowly as he kneeled in front of her.

She looked at her hands and covered them from his eyes. She was watching him closely now and was afraid to have him this close. She broke several more jars to get him to back off. He paused and spoke. "Please Hermione let me help you." Regardless of what his students thought he did have a heart and cared. They were just to caught up in false stories and rumors, to notice some of the things he did.

Slowly Severus moved his hand towards her, in hopes that she take it. However that wasn't the case. Her eyes flashed a bright golden color, he was thrown back a little ways. He looked up in time to see Hermione try and run to the door.

She was so close, however she still wasn't healed. Pain flew over her in waves as she ran. Stumbling through the pain she made it to the door. Stopping she turned towards Severus who was still on the floor watching her. She looked him in the eyes, then turned to run back down the halls.

~~~HGSS~~~~

Hermione made her way back to her chambers, warding the door tightly. She slide down the wall in pain and anguish. Her eyes flashed gold again, tearing her room apart. She been able to do this since her eighteenth birthday in June, however it was still uncontrollable. Lashing out when her emotions spiked high.

There had been a time when her father was beating her that it want out of control and wrecked her room. This only made her father angrier and punishment time much worse. Still slumped on the floor Hermione cried again with the feelings of hurt, misunderstood and loneliness. She wish she could not feel, more or less she wished she could just die.

~~~HGSS~~~~

Severus was now pacing his now repaired classroom debating on what happened. He never seen such power as that, let alone been hit with it. And when she looked at him for the first time, he actually shivered remembering the cold dead gaze.

He also didn't like what he saw, he needed to find her soon. She could be a danger to her self and others if provoked. Sighing he pinched the bridge of his nose feeling a headache come on. And waited for his next class, while marking papers.

~~HGSS~~

For the rest of the day Hermione stayed locked up in her room. She played with her razor a bit, cutting her fingers needing the pain. But it wasn't enough to keep her occupied. She knew she was in deep trouble having skipped classes, so she decided she needed a walk.

Sneaking outside she made her way towards the forbidden forest, she found a clear meadow and sat down. The air smelled pure and clean unlike it had when she was locked in her room at home. She tried to cover her eyes as the memories hit her again.

~~~HGSS~~~~Flashback

_Hermione was locked in her room for being such a horribly, stupid, and good-for-nothing girl her farther claimed. Now in fetal position she waited, her stomach growled he hadn't feed her in two days. Suddenly her door burst open causing her to jump in fright. Her farther appeared in the doorway with something in his hand._

_Standing in front of him she begged him. "Please, Please let me eat." looking into his eyes. That had been her first mistake. "How dare you look me in the eyes you filthy little bitch." he yelled. *bam* He punched her right in the face causing her to slide back across the room._

_He then walked toward her slow and steady. "Its okay. Its okay I'm not going to hurt you, okay." his hands raised in the air. Hermione almost believed him tell he got about two steps away from her. He leaned in and smiled a evil smile._

_He pulled out what he been holding, it was Crooks her familiar. He wasn't moving, she then noticed the red line of blood under his neck. Her father laughed at the look on her face and tossed the dead pest at her. "Eat up princess." was his mock reply as he left and lock the door._

_He had her wand so she could do nothing but sit in the room and wait till he came to play some more of his sick twisted games again._

~~~HGSS~~~Flashback ends

Severus was at the Great Hall eating dinner when he noticed only two of the golden trio entered. They seem to be uncaring about their female counterpart missing. Eyes narrowed he finished eating and made his way over to them.

"Misters Potter, Weasley where is Miss. Granger?" he drawled. "We don't know _sir_, we could be asking you the same." came Ron's tort reply. Severus glared at the red headed boy, who paled and went quite. "I suggest you hold your tongue boy, lest you lose it. 20 points from Gryffindor." was his clip retort.

It was then Harry who spoke next. "We really don't know sir, but when we find out we will let you know." came the respected words.

Ever since Harry viewed Snape's memories he had come to respect the wizard. Apologizing to Snape had been his number one thing one his list when they said he lived. They came to a form of mutual respect, but bickered from time to time out of habit.

Severus gave Harry a curt nod and left the Great Halls with his robes billowing behind him. He wondered just where she was and if she was okay. He stopped and shook his head. '_Why should I care she showed me how much she doesn't need my help.' _But he couldn't help but wonder, and with that he continued to the dungeons.

~~~~HGSS~~~~

Hermione awoke shivering in the meadow, the moon was now peaking at her through the trees. '_How could I sleep out here, anything could have happened. I wish it did._' She thought to herself.

She walked out of the forest just as it started to pour down raining. She stopped and stared up into the sky letting the rain wash down on her. Closing her eyes she wished she was free. By the time she got to the door she was soaked. Lighting danced across the sky, casting a glow on her and the castle ground. She made her way up to the astronomy tower, once there she throw off her robe.

She climbed over the rail and sat down on the edge looking down.

~~HGSS~~

Severus was doing his rounds looking for insolent, hormonal teens.

He could hear the clap of thunder rumble through the sky. Checking his pocket watch he noticed it was now 11:30pm. He was coming to the end of his rounds, having only the astronomy tower left to check. Although he highly doubt anyone was there because of the weather, but could not be to sure.

As he climbed the stairs and what he say made his heart leap in his throat. Hermione was sitting on the outside of the rail cutting her arms. He hid in the shadows watching, he took a closer look and noticed the bruises and scars on her arms. She was bleeding freely and leaning forward as if to jump.

Hermione looked down, she could easily jump and end it all. No more pain, no more suffering, just freedom. She dropped her razor just to watch it fall wondering how she would look falling to her death. Her hair stood on end, there was somebody here with her. She had a pretty good idea who it was. So she spoke.

"You know I could jump and end it all?" she asked him. Lighting flashed pouring light into the dark tower. She caught sight of him to her left. "Why would you want to do that Hermione?" he asked softly using her surreal name hoping to keep her attention.

She let out a harsh laugh. "You have no idea the pain I go through each day." she whispered. But she might as well yelled it, it was so quite in the room.

Slowly Hermione stood, her toes hung of f the edge. He knew he had to get to her, so he decided to keep her talking and slowly making his way to her. "Wouldn't your parents miss you?" he asked softly The harsh laughter made his chest ache for the girl. "Parents, my mom died in a car crash last Christmas." she said sadly.

Taking another step he tried again. "What about your father surly he wouldn't want to lose you too." he was almost behind her a little of to the side. "Tell me professor. How would you feel if your father the one who use to love you more then life, started to rape you? Believing you were lower then dog shit. Who beat you for his sick pleasure. All because he blames you for your mothers death." Wind was wiping about in her anger, calming down a little she spoke again.

"Tell me how do you live with that?" she asked him quietly. Severus stepped up beside her and looked out over the edge. "You can't really, I use to ask myself that same question. But you mustn't let him win. Keep living, fight back." she turned towards him and looked at his out stretched hand.

Slowly she reached her hand out to meet his, and stepped back inside. Suddenly her word started spinning, pain flew through her body. Falling into the bawls of darkness, she fainted.

Severus caught her before she hit the ground. Staring down at the girl, he realized how much she reminded him of his self. The abuse, games, and trying to fit in, it had been his poison. He had to watch his mom be raped and killed. Were as she had been raped. He vowed right then that he would do everything to make things better. She would not end up like him .

Severus then rushed from the tower to take Hermione to the Hospital Wing as fast as he could.


	4. Chapter 4

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter four: Inner Demons**

**I do not own any of the characters just the plot. Plz enjoy and thx you for all the reviews. This is a little about Severus's past. Just to form a little bonding process.**

It was about 9:00a.m when Albus and Minerva rushed into the Hospital Wing. "Severus! Severus! What happened?" asked a extremely worried Minerva. "I don't know. Poppy is looking over her right now." replied Severus. Just then Poppy walked towards them. Eyes red and puffy from crying. "I think you should come and see this." With that she lead them away, to the back of a private room.

When they walked in they were completely stunned. Hermione was laying on the cot naked, however that's not what stunned them. She had teeth marks on her neck and on her chest, that were red. Large deep gashes on her sides that over lapped other scars. Big purple and blue bruise littered her body, her thighs and arms covered in cuts neat and clean. With the ones from yesterday still fresh and being cleaned.

"But I'm afraid that's not the worse of it." she then slowly turned her over on her stomach. Everybody gasped.

On her back carved sideways was the word '_Bitch_'. It was thick in width and deep in depth almost leaving a indention. More scars criss-crossed as if she been struck by a whip. Hardly any clear skin was shown among the ragged flesh, her ribs were showing along with hip bones.

Poppy had healed some of the large gashes, but left some of the cuts alone to be cleaned and treated so they wont scar. Although she could do nothing for the already scared skin.

Everyone was stunned into silent, all that could be heard was the sound of Minerva and Poppy crying. Dumbledore looked away, looking all 150 years his age.

Severus looked unreadable, however if anyone were to look into his eyes they would see the burning anger simmering at the surface. He wanted to find the bloody monster and beat the shit out of him till he was at death's door step. Then heal him and do it again. However It wasn't his place to tell who did it, what was said at the tower would stay between him and Hermione.

'_Since when had she become Hermione?_' he thought to himself but put it off to the side.

Poppy placed a gown on Hermione then moved the blanket on her before closing the curtain breaking his train of thought. "There's more you should know." She then lead them into her office, placing a silencing spell around them.

"When she was brought here she had sever internal bleeding, how she made it this far is a miracle. Any later and she would have died." Minerva gasped sharply. Poppy shifted in her seat before taking a deep breath. "Umm, basically what I'm trying to say is. That Miss. Granger has also been raped many times. He has ripped her insides beyond repair, there's a strong possibility that she may never have children."

Everyone was quite, Severus was biting his tongue so hard it bleed. His fingernails were cutting into his palms so hard, little droplets of blood were forming. Just when he thought he would snap an alarm went off. "It's Miss. Granger, something's wrong!" exclaimed Poppy.

~~~HGSS~~~

They rushed off towards her ward. Stepping through the silencing spell they heard a mournful cry. Hermione was thrashing about and crying out. "NO! NO! Please stop pleaseee!" tears streamed down her face. "Severus hold her down while I go get the calming draught." commanded Poppy before rushing off. Sever rushed to her and pinned her arms down, bending down slightly he whispered in her ear. "Miss. Gr-Hermione remember don't let him win, fight back." after a second thought he said something else. "You're not alone."

Hermione stilled and fell back into a deep slumber, by the time Poppy came back. "What did you do Severus, or say?" asked Minerva. He slowly stood and turned toward her, his black eyes burned into hers. "Nothing, nothing at all." At that he walked over to a corner, his eyes resting on Hermione.

After a couple more hours of talking, Minerva and Albus were ready to head off to dinner. "Severus, my boy are you coming?" he asked. Severus who was seated by the far wall, turned his focus from the young woman laying in the bed to Hermione. "Okay see you later my boy." and with twinkling eyes he and Minerva left.

After they left Severus moved closer to Hermione's bed. '_What am I doing? Why should I care? Maybe because she reminds you of yourself._'

Willing the inter battle away he sat down next to her bed. He stared out the window at the full moon over the black lake. Shining bright casting its soft glow on the bed.

He barely recognized that he had fallen asleep.

~~~HGSS~~~Flasback

_Ten year old Severus came out of his room when he heard his parents yelling again. "Damn it Eileen, I'm tried of all this magic bullshit. How many times do I have to tell you not to do this shit in my house." He heard the crack as his 'Father' smacked his mom in the face sending her across the floor. _

_He advanced on her quickly grabbing her roughly by the hair. "I know just how to fix you." his drunken slur could be heard. _

"_Leave her alone!" came Severus voice. He was now standing in the doorway. Tobias Snape dropped Eileen and advanced on his 'son'. "Move it boy for I kick your freakish arse too." He growled leering down at him._

"_Tobias please, he's just a little boy." he heard his mom cry and walk to them. Turning around his father back slapped her knocking her out. "If he's man enough to speak out, he's man enough to take the beating."_

_Without warning his father lashed out. Severus manage to block the first fist to the face only to catch the other to the gut. Tobias beat him till he was on his knees. He looked up into the face of the man he hated the most. "Don't look at me you freak." *BAM* a kick to the face sent young Severus to the ground, blood gushed out of his nose. _

_Suddenly he felt strong, huge hands tighten around his throat. Everything started to get fuzz and dark, the last thing he saw was his father's face sneering down at him._

~~~HGSS~~~~Flashback~~End

Severus bolted up right with a sharp gasp, sweat running down his face. His hand flew up to his throat, it still felt like his hands were still there. After making sure he was well he slumped a little in his chair, as his inter demons raged about inside his head.

His eyes landed softly on the girl before him. Placing his head in his hands he erased his mind with practiced ease. Locking up his past and demons behind the steel wall. Running hand through his hair he check his watch seeing it was only 3:00a.m. The sky had lighten up a bit as a few of the rays from the sun could be seen.

Severus once again glanced over at Hermione and slowly reached out to hold her hand. It was slightly cold, but soft. She stirred slightly in her sleep. .

'_She is defiantly not alone._'

**Hope you enjoyed it I kinda wanted to form a slight bonding moment to get Severus closer to Hermione. So…yea thxs for the reviews and if you don't mind review some more. It helps me keep going knowing someone is actually readings this. And thx for reading for those who have.**


	5. Chapter 5

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter 5 :Trust**

**I do not own characters just plot. Sorry about the lateness. I had a lot to do track went to states yay and internet was down boo. As make up I made it longer then usual. So enough chit chat on with the story. And thxs for the reviews keep it up. I am grateful for ever one I get. :]-McNasty**

Hermione stirred lightly as she awoke with the first rays of sun on her face. Slowly she opened her eyes, blinking to get use to the light. Her vision was still slightly blurred and fuzzy, hindering her eyesight. After getting a little use to her surroundings, she then noticed that her left hand was a little warmer then her right. Painfully she turned her head and vaguely made aware that her hand was held protectly inside a larger hand.

Trying to speak, her head pounded against her skull making her emit a painstaking moan.

Severus awoke to the sound of moaning and looked up. He found Hermione staring down at their entangled hands with confusion. Quickly he removed his hand, a slightly pink tinge papered on his cheeks. _'Pull yourself together, now is not the time to act like a hormonal teen, who got caught holding hands. I shouldn't have fallen asleep while holding her hand anyway.' _he berated himself.

"How are you Miss. Granger?" he asked slowly and quietly to not scare her. She made no notion that she even heard him as she stared off into what seemed to be nothing. He moved closer thinking that she went into shock, however she looked at him and whimpered.

Severus frowned thinking that they settled this yesterday. However he wouldn't be surprised if she forgot in her haze of pain. However he still couldn't help but feel slightly upset by the unexpected occurrence. Looking into her eyes briefly, he recognized the fear and pain hidden within the cold amber eyes.

Hermione was slightly scared her vision had clear up just a little to make out blobs of color. She saw a dark blob move closer. She didn't like that a bit it made her feel trapped. It continued to get closer still. Trying to call out she didn't make a sound as her throat burned, adding only to her pain.

'_Please make it stop Please!'_ she screamed in her mind. Tears leaked down her face in pain and fear.

Severus was about to reach for again when he heard her voice in his head. Amazed and shocked he paused in his movements._ 'Could she…no, no its not possible. But still I heard her. Didn't I ?'_ He was very confused and looked into her eyes. And found her crying .

"Shh its me Severus Snape. Do you recognize my voice?" he moved a little closer as her eyes followed his movement, still looking down.

She slowly nodded her head, she new that voice. Her eyes had recovered when she started crying. Now being able to see she was still a little scared. "Good, now I'm going to go get Poppy to come check on you." He got up only to be stopped by her hands on his robes.

'_Don't let him leave me I'm scared.'_

He defiantly heard her voice in his head this time for sure. She didn't know she was projecting her thoughts to him, along with feelings.

Turning towards her. "Can you speak Hermione?" he asked softly. She shook her head no. "Do you realize that you are projecting certain thoughts to me?" Severus sat down nice and easy on the bed. She could only look shocked as she tried to comprehended what he said.

'_Thoughts? So can you hear me rite now?'_ This unnerved her. She didn't want anybody to hear her thoughts. No matter how curious she was she didn't trust him. She didn't trust anybody not even Ron or Harry.

'_Yes'_ Was Severus's slightly amused reply in her mind

"So how are you? Are you in pain?" he asked as he slowly took hold of her hand.

'_I'm fine' _She lied. Truth was that's all she could say she was shocked at his kindness. So she barely was able to form the thought.

Severus Snape Hogwarts meanest professor in history, was now showing care and tenderness, to a Gryffindor no less. However the war was over maybe he's always been nice, well not nice per say but adequate.

"Regardless of my reputation I have a heart. Its just old habits die hard and I still keep my guard up. I been let down one to many to not have one." he confessed as if he knew what she was thinking.

Hermione yawned. He smirked. "I will leave you to rest." he stood up and made to leave. _'No! Please don't go.'_ she really didn't want to be by herself. "Okay" he took a seat next to the bed and held her hand tenderly.

"T-thank-k…. y-y-you ." she managed to choke out before succumbing to sleep.

Severus couldn't help it when a slow smile formed on his face.

~~~HGSS~~~~~

Severus was seated in Albus's office along with Minerva. Each lost in a sea of thought about what to do and who was the man doing the abusing. However Severus's were more among the line of finding the bustard and killing him with his bare hands. Fuck using magic.

"What are we going to do? We must find out who did this." Stated Minerva, her voice cracking as she was close to tears again. Looking up liquid black eyes meet icy blue eyes of Albus Dumbledore before turning away. "Is there something you need to tell us, Severus?" came Dumbledore's grave voice. "No, there is nothing for me to tell Headmaster it isn't my place to tell."

Just as Minerva opened her mouth to retort the flames in the fireplace turned green. Opening the flow connection.

"Headmaster you need to come now! It's Miss. Granger!" Poppy informed before closing the connection.

Severus could feel his heart drop at the thought of her being hurt again. They all rushed to the fireplace calling out loudly. "HOSPITAL WING!" Once inside they rushed to the security ward in the back of the wing.

Once they passed the door and silencing wards they could hear Hermione screaming.

"S-STOP, PLEASE DADDY! I'M S-SORRY PLEASE…..!" her face was consorted into pain as she thrashed about. Tears sliding down her face making her eyes swollen and red. "Hold her before her wounds split open again." commanded Poppy.

Just as he walked over to her, she opened her eyes.

Her eyes flashed a brilliant gold and glowed. A invisible force knocked everyone off their feet. Windows shattered through out the school as they heard the children screams in the halls. Outside the doors to the infirmary.

However they could do nothing about it. A strong and strange wind began to pick up. Knocking over things in process. Whipping about leaving destruction in its wake.

"DADDY PLEASE, PLEASE STOP I'LL BEHAVE I PROMISE!" They heard Hermione yell again. She was seated up against the headboard. With her hands over her ears, and eyes tightly shut. Knees drawn to her chest as she cried. Another tremor of power racked through her then frail body.

The burst of magic was so powerful it made some of the stone crumble under sheer force. Dumbledore felt Hogwart's wards tremble and was surprised by the outstanding power. That the young witch posed.

Suddenly she feel back into a seizure. She convulsed as white foam erupted from her pale lips. Poppy and Severus tried to get to her but was still being pushed back. As her power still radiated through her but not as much as before.

"Severus, we must get to her now!" Poppy yelled over to him. Severus didn't need to be told what would happen if they didn't. Looking at Hermione he pushed his way through the barrier. Soon they were ay her bedside, then everything stop.

Poppy hurriedly did erratic wand movements over her still body. Colors flashed about, when it stop Poppy let out a small sigh of relief. "She's fine nothing has open in fact she's healed and can possibly leave tomorrow."

"Thank you Poppy we shall take our leave then." replied Dumbledore

~~~HGSS~~~~~

After seeing Miss. Granger to a peaceful slumber they left to go back to Dumbledore's office.

"Her father, her father is the reason behind this." whispered Minerva in silent anger. "Yes it seems he is." responded Albus. "I assume you already knew of this." It was more of a statement then a question. However Severus answered anyway with a silent 'yes'.

"What do you mean? You knew of this?" Minerva was now out of her seat in full 'imma bitch you out' mode.

"Yes. However I would rather not go into detail I made a promise I intend to keep." With that Severus turned back to the window.

Minerva left it at that she knew he wouldn't tell, it must have been quite a serious reason for that. "We must alert the M.O.M so that they may arrest that monster." she spat.

"I'm afraid we cant do that, as we need evident from Miss. Granger; herself." replied Dumbledore gravely. "Severus please take up consoling with Miss. Granger and see if she will open up to you." He knew what he was asking of Severus he only hoped that his plan would be able to be put into action.

"Me? Albus why would she open up to me? The ban of her existence since she started school here." Severus was shocked and very upset at the situation. "Besides I'm her scary greasy haired professor." he replied snidely. He didn't dare look up to meet those icy blue eyes as they starred him down.

Sometimes he seriously pitied Severus, despite his hard outer shell. Dumbledore knew it was to protect the scared, abused little boy inside. The one who still felt the sting of all the name calling. In away he considered him a son above everything else. All he wanted was to see the young man happy and he seriously believed that Miss. Granger could do just that.

'_Sometimes' time can heal no mental scars as well and easily as physical.'_ he mused to himself.

Taking one last look at the lonely man in front of him, he spoke. "Yes I do actually, I shall let Miss. Granger know and call for you in time. You are free to leave." Just as Severus was about to leave he called the young man back. "Oh! Severus please look into power surge and glowing eyes."

Severus threw a glare at the man who he considered a father in his dark life. Although it lacked the normal venom. "Yes, headmaster. Minerva." putting up his mask he stalked out the door towards the dungeons.

~~~HGSS~~~

Two glasses of firewhiskey later, Severus's mind was whirling as he paced his chambers. _'Is that old coot crazy? Nobody wants to be around me much less talk to me. So why would she?'_ Taking a deep breath he sat down and poured himself a third shot. Just as he went to raise the glass to his lips he stopped and stared at the amber liquid.

' _The same color as her eyes.'_ With that thought he chunked the glass into the fire watching as it exploded in to millions of pieces. With that he got up from the sofa to go on watch.

Warding his chambers Severus walked down the halls as the rain made a beautiful lullaby. Slowly as if in a trance he found himself being pulled to the astronomy tower. Once at the top he let out a slight chuckle that were he stood at as a young boy ready to jump was the same place he found her.

Sitting down on the ledge he leaned back on a pillar sideways. Looking out over the spectacular view. Even as it rained it had a magical way about it as the lighting corresponded with the thunder.

His eyes roamed over the castle ground before landing on the black lake. _'Almost as black as my pitiful soul'_ he thought bitterly. The wind blew gently across his face. Taking a breath of fresh air, he closed his eyes. _**'You freak, your no son of mine. Look its Snivelous. The bat of the dungeons. The greasy git.'**_

Yes he remembered every name they ever called him. And no matter what they said, it did hurt even if he didn't show it

Taking one last breath he left the tower in deep thought. _'What the hell was that power display?'_ Severus was in such deep thought he didn't even notice that he was in front of the hospital wing.

~~~HGSS~~~~

In office Dumbledore was looking through his books, that would explain the strange occurrence. He had been searching since Severus left. He was truly baffled by the power, he was still wondering how all this happened.

Fawkes let out a, low trill. "You right maybe I should turn in for the night. I'll talk to Severus about this." he stood up and made his way to his private chambers. _'I wonder how he's holding up now?'_ he could help but worry for his mental health. He had been in and seen to much as the war wore on, never letting his guard down.

Sighing he cleared his mind and prepared for sleep.

~~~HGSS~~~

Severus stood in front of the security ward trying to figure out if it he should visit her. _'What if she's' sleep? Then again what if she is having a bad dream? Damn it man get a hold of yourself.'_ With that Severus walked in and was surprised to see Hermione sitting in front of a large window. That peered out over the forbidding forest that was a ghostly grey from the full moon, and rain splattered against the window.

However that's not what caught his attention it was her singing that had him rooted to the spot. He carefully listened to the lullaby as she sung.

_**Little child, be not afraid the rain pounds hard against the glass, like a unwanted stranger there is no danger, I'm here tonight**_

_**Little child, be not afraid the thunder explodes and lighting flash, illuminates your tear stained face, I'm here tonight**_

_**But someday you'll know that nature is so, the same rain that draws you near me**_

_**Falls on rivers, and land, and forest, and sands makes the beautiful world that you see, in the morning**_

_**Little child, be not afraid, the storm clouds mask a beloved moon, and its candle like beams keep pleasant dreams, I'm here to night**_

_**Little child be not afraid, the wind makes creatures of our trees, and branches to hand that we understand, I'm here tonight**_

_**And someday you'll know that nature is so, the same rain that draws you near me**_

_**Falls on rivers, and land, and forest, and sands, makes the beautiful world that you see in the morning **_

_**For you know, once even I was a little child and I was afraid **_

_**But a gentle someone always came, to dry all my tears with sweet slip of fear, and give a kiss goodnight**_

_**But now I am grown and these years have shown, the rains apart of how life goes**_

_**But its dark I'm a sleep, so I'll hold you to weep, till your frighten eyes do close**_

_**And I hope that you know, that nature is so the same rain that draws you to me**_

_**Falls on rivers, and land, and forest, and sands, makes the beautiful world that you see in the morning**_

_**Everything's' fine in the morning, the rain will be gone in the morning, but I'll(you'll) still be here in the morning**_

Hermione wiped away the tears that had fallen during the beautiful lullaby. She watched as the rain continued to fall before placing her hand on the cool glass. Becoming lost in the sea of thoughts._ 'I miss you mom I never blame you for what happened,'_ a single tear slide down her face again.

Severus stood leaning agisnt the wall with his eyes closed. As he opened them a single tear slipped down his cheek, wiping it away quickly he saw her staring seamlessly out the window. Moving closer he called out her name.

Hermione thought she heard a noise but didn't here it again and stared back outside. "Hermione." she jumped even though it was only whispered. Looking back over her shoulder she saw that I was professor Snape. "Sir?"

She stood in a stance of meek obedience as he walked over pulled up a chair beside her's. "Well sit down." He told her a little roughly. She complied and for awhile they sat in a peaceful silence. Each staring out the window in a sea of thought.

"What were you singing?" he whispered startling her out of her thoughts. Hermione tensed she would have rather not talk about that subject. "It is a lullaby for a stormy night my mom use to sing it to me on nights like this." she answered meekly feeling slightly uncomfortable. Switching the subject she asked a question of her own.

"Why didn't you just let me jump, sir? Why let me keep living this nightmare?" her voice was devoid of all emotion.

Severus saw her tense at his question and noticed that after she answered she switched the conversation. Knowing that she wasn't ready to talk about it yet he allowed the switch.

Turning towards her he answered hers with a question of his own. "Why should I, Hermione?" hoping to subdue the situation quickly he was rather shocked at what she said.

"Because I'm a good for nothing whore to stupid to know anything, another bitch made to lie on her back. A plaything that's lower then shit, a mudblood, a-a know-it-all had no real smarts only book smarts. And should learn when to keep her mouth shut." by then she was in tears.

Severus knew her father had drilled the first three into her head when he broke her. Just as he's "Father" had done his mother. However the last two where more his fault, letting his house call her a mudblood. Even if he had no choice. But the last one was solely his fault and his alone.

He always berated her for being naturally smart, and for having such quick wit. Showing such eagerness to learn. More then once he reduced her to tears, however she learned to suck it up and return with gusto and a fiery tongue that gave a quick lashing. Although he would never admit it he would pick on her just to fuss with her.

"Hermione, you are none of those things. And you are very smart for a witch of your age, and learned to control our self." that was about as close to an apology she was going to get and she knew it. "Trust me when I say that Hermione." he slowly reached for her hand.

She stood and backed away from him to a corner and sat down. "How can I be sure to trust _you_? I did trust you once on several terms," this surprised Severus to a shocked silence. "but you let me down each time so I gave up. Besides I learned not to trust anyone anymore" seated in the dark corner half her face showed as the moonlight hit her face.

Severus remembered the day and his heart ached every time he thought about it.

~~~~HGSS~~~~~

_Severus stalked through the halls for misbehaved students as today was Saturday. He made his way around the castle with a slight limp from last nights activities._

_Thanks to the Dark lord of course._

_With his robes billowing out behind him he made his way to the library to catch up on some reading. On the way there he saw Granger and right behind her Draco Malfoy and his gooneys._

"_Look at the filthy mudblood Granger!" exclaimed Malfoy. "Don't you know the library is made for those who can read?" "Oh really. If so why are you here Malfoy?" she spat back making a face as if his name was dirt. Severus hid in the shadows as he watched the since unfold._

"_W-what did you say you littler piece of shit?" grounded out Malfoy as his face turned redder then Weasley's hair. "You heard me, and as far as I'm able to tell you and your "friends" are the only shit pieces I see so sod off." her eyes were ablaze with anger._

_Severus chuckled to himself, yes she was a little spitfire. And in no mood to play._

_*CRACK* "You bitch how dare you, talk to me in that manner?" earning her a swift kick to the stomach as the slap knocked her down. Slowly standing she answered his question with a quick punch to the face. _

_Severus knew he had to stop this before it got out of control he only wished that she would forgive him._

"_Miss. Granger," he hissed as he walked out the shadows. "what is the meaning of this?" "He hit me sir.' she answered quietly. "That's not how I saw it. 70 points from Gryffindor for hitting a student, Miss. Granger."_

"_But sir he hit me too. I was just defending myself." was her rather rude retort._

_Malfoy threw a punch to her stomach, causing her to double over in pain. "Learn some respect for those who are purer then you mudblood."_

_Oh how Severus wanted to beat the shit out of Malfoy for that but he stood his guard and smirked down at her. Before walking away back to the dungeons._

~~~~HGSS~~~~~

"I know what I did was wrong but I couldn't do anything lest I lose my position as a spy. I did what I had to do." he tried to explain. But she would have none of it. "No!" she yelled. Then continued in a calmer and quieter voice. "No just stop. Did it every occur to you that you could have stepped in before it got that far. I knew you were there the whole time," she was beginning to cry again. "I was hoping that you would step in before it got that far. I understand you having to let him hit me but to leave me there with them was harsh."

She was shaking with anger. "I was almost raped. I hoped that you would come back but you never did." This surprised Severus. He didn't know all that and it made his guilt even worse then before. She cleared up here tears and spoke again before he could.

"As mad as I am for you leaving me there I for give you." He was so shocked he could just stare. "My mom always taught me 'no matter how mad you are at a person or what they did let it go.'" Severus could do nothing but look at her with respect.

So he did the only thing he could do. He got down on his knees in front of her and extended a hand. "How about we start over, from the beginning."

**Oh a cliffy sorry bout that. Well I hope you enjoyed it I had fun writing it. It looks as if something is brewing between the two. LOL get it because he's a potions mast…err…um... Amem yea plz continue to read and review thx you. Song is called: Lullaby for a stormy night- Vienna Teng. **


	6. Chapter 6

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter six: A New Beginning**

**Sorry for updating so late.**

**Don't own the characters. Wish I owned Snape, curse you reality. Anyway I'm back so lets get back to the story.**

"_Well lets start again from the beginning" he said._

"My name is Severus Snape potion master at Hogwarts school of Witch Craft and Wizardry." his hand still out. Hermione looked at the floor analyzing the truth behind his words before slowly reaching out to shake it. "My name is Hermione Granger, 7th year, Head Girl here at Hogwarts." her eyes still down casted down.

"Miss. Gra- Hermione please this can't work unless you learn to look me in the eye." he said softly. After a moment he spoke again. "I promise will do you no harm physical or mental even emotional." At this She slowly raised here head to look at him. It took all his power not to flinch at her gaze. The cold dead iciness of it shocked him down to his very spine.

'_My gods its like a dead shell of her existence empty and lifeless. Just like I was; lost and alone in a sea of darkness.'_

As if she sense his discomfort she dropped her eyes and slowly made her way back to the hospital bed still not allowing him to touch her. Hermione settled in before she fell asleep. Severus pulled up a chair and laid his head on the bedside, falling into a semi peaceful sleep. Unaware of the horrible nightmare that she was having.

_~~HGSS~~~_

_Hermione sat in the closet and keep on peeking out. After seeing the dark figure stumble drunkenly pass the door several time. She was silently crying and sat unmoving, slowly pulling herself together she moved into a semi standing position. She was going get this hell house if it killed her. __**'It just might.'**_

"_Where are you princess, daddy is losing his patience." her father called out in a sick sweet voice. Hermione remained still as he stood in front of the door with his back turned. After a minute he snapped._

"_WHERE DA FUCK ARE YOU BITCH!" he bellowed in the hall. _

'_**1,2,3' **__she counted. Hermione threw open the door knocking her father into the wall. Before bolting down the hall._

_She was just about down the hall when she was pulled back by her hair causing her to fall on her back. She looked up and looked into his eyes in pain. She realized her mistake to late before a heavy boot crashed down on her ribs. "Don't you dare look at me slut!"_

_Hermione let out a loud scream at the pain of her ribs cracking and her hair being grabbed and dragged down the hall to the edge of the stairs. "shut up!"_

_Pulling her up by her hair she was eye level to him. His hard and cold black eyes boring into hers._

"_I love you why do you want to leave?" his voice was cold and harsh. She knew he didn't care. "But you know what I'll let you go. .Hell."_

_And with that he pushed her into the bowels of darkness._

_~~HGSS~~~_

Severus awoke when he heard Hermione let out a blood curling scream and started to thrash about on the bed. He tried to calm her down but it seem to have gotten worse as she let out another scream.

Feeling desperate he sat in the middle of the bed and pulled her on his lap and cradled her head to his chest till she woke. His chest ached for unknown reasons for the young woman. Looking down he wiped away the tears as she cried in her dreams. After awhile she stilled as the tears stopped.

"Hermione, Hermione. Wake up."

Her eyes opened only to look into black eyes. Thinking it was her father she panicked. "No, no let me go please I'm sorry, I'm sorry." as she struggled to get out his arms.

"Hermione it's me. It's me Severus." she looked up again and noticed it was true. Although the were indeed black like her father they were warmer.

"Your alright. I promise he won't ever hurt you again." he rocked her back and forth gently till she fell back to sleep.

Severus held her a little longer as she slept. The moonlight flowed over her body. Causing her to look like the ghost of a beautiful angel.

'_A wingless angel. My angel.' _Severus paused at that thought and decided that it was time he went back to sleep. After all he had a class in the morning.

After he laid her down he took one last look at her. Walking out he paused at the door. "You can go back to bed Poppy, Miss. Granger is fine." Poppy stepped out of the shadows. "Thank you Severus. She should be able to leave in about two weeks time." Severus gave her a curt nod before stalking off to the dungeons. Thinking about how many ways he could poison or kill her bustard father.

~~~HGSS~~~~

"Well Miss. Granger you are free to go. However don't you dare over work yourself….or do other things…." lectured Poppy before she trailed off, as she handed Hermione her clothes. "Yes Madam Pomfrey." was her sullen reply. She had been in the infirmary for two weeks, she was finally free. Even though she missed half her Monday classes. _'Like I'll ever be free.' _After she got dressed she head down to the dungeons for her afternoon potions class. Only to be confronted by Harry and Ron.

"Where were you Herm?" You had me worried sick we heard you had caught the fleafly flu." exclaimed Ron a bit to loud for her liking. Backed up a little as he stood to close for her liking. "How are you Hermione?" asked Harry.

He finally spoke. After the war ended Harry had stop talking so much and learned to listen more. And had grown up into a very respectable young man. However he always seemed as if he was slowly parting from them and maybe it was for the best. They were growing up now. Well some were. Besides Ron who would bitch about it all the time they usually ended up arguing… on a good day.

"I'm surprised you even care Harry. Considering we're no longer friends." Ron spat as he glared at Harry. "I am not having this conversation right now. We had this talk already." replied Harry not even giving him a glance.

"I'm fine better as a matter of fact." She lied to them. Brushing past them she said loud enough for them to hear. "Come on before we are late for potions." Hoping to get there before the start arguing again.

"Yes, because I do so love potion and everything about it." drawled Ron sarcastically. "Mister Weasley I never knew, nor would you ever know with your pathetic grades. Now if you would get to class before points are taken." Sneered Snape as he stepped out of the shadows. Glancing once at Hermione he left heading toward the dungeons.

Before Ron could retaliate they pushed him towards the potions classroom.

~~HGSS~~~

Once they got in their seats the door slammed shut, with a flash of black robes. Striding towards the front Snape began his lecture on Mandrake roots.

"Hey Hermione." whispered Ron. "I want to ask you something."

Hermione shook her head no as she stared at the black sheet of parchment on her station. Not even trying to take notes, what was the point? "Why don't you just listen for once in your life. Its really important." he was beginning to get angry but it wasn't her fault that every time he wanted to ask her out something always got in the way. And he knew that.

Hermione bit back tears before they fell and shamed her in class. Those words cut her to her very miserable soul. _**' That's way no one likes you. You don't listen, but you will if I have to beat it in to you. Now get on the bed bitch.'**_ She could hear her 'father's' voice now, she knew it wasn't Ron's fault but he struck a nerve.__

Severus caught sight of Weasley whispering in Hermione's ear, and her shaking her head no. Then the boy's face turn red and whispered something else, taking note of the pain in her eyes when he was done.

Severus felt absolutely furious but held it back and crossed his arms. "Mr. Weasley." He sneered.

"S-sir?" was his meek answer as his eyes snapped up to meet the death glare only to look back down. "Since you seem to know so much to avoid paying attention. How many Mandrake roots go into a pain relief potion?" his voice a dangerous purr. As he walked closer.

"I…It's...um…I don't know _sir_." Ron grounded out. Face almost redder then his hair, as he became angry.

Severus narrowed his eyes. "Then I suggest you pay attention before you end up killing somebody." He spat. "20 points from Gryffindor." before stalking back to the front of the classroom.

"As I was saying Mandrake roots are used in several different healing potions. However add **too** many and the results could be **disastrous.**" his gaze landing on the redhead Weasley. As the redhead glared back at him.

He looked over to Hermione who had not move since she arrived besides shaking her head. His chest got that weird aching feeling again. " Miss. Granger, what size is the Mandrake root suppose to be when added to a headache relief potion." He knew she had the answer and he planned on showing her that she wasn't a stupid bimbo.

"4 by 1,sir" she whispered. Eyes still staring unseeing at her parchment. She really didn't want to be here. Only reason she came is because she felt she owed it to him. Truth was after her father broke her she didn't really care to much about work. _'__**you stupid bitch you will never get anywhere in life.**__' _

Yes she could here her father voice, almost as if he was standing right beside her. Besides she didn't plan on staying alive for long. No one could help now matter how much she wanted it.

Severus discreetly read her thoughts._ 'Hermione…well I guess I will just have to show you how to live again. I will not fail you in this, one such as you should not know such pain.'_ Giving himself a mental shake at the thought. _'Why should I care.' 'Maybe because she reminds you of yourself.'_

Clearing his mind he spoke again. "5 points to Gryffindor." Everyone was shocked Snape never gave points to Gryffindor much less Hermione Granger.

Her eyes that were once glued to her desk flicked up to meet his. And he could have sworn he saw a tiny flicker of life in her eyes. But before he could recognize it, it was gone making him wonder if he really saw anything at all. And her eyes went back to her desk.

"Instructions are on the board you have till the end of class get to work." he barked. Everyone went to work as they followed the complex potion of Blood transfer. Once taken it would remove any poison out of the blood stream, cleaning it with ease.

"Did you hear that? The greasy git actually gave us 5points." whispered Ron. As he was to angry to be truly shocked. He unlike Harry and Hermione hadn't grew up and they doubt he would.

Hermione stuck to her own work mixing and adding ingredients on auto-pilot. Severus walked behind her studying her work and her. He noticed she wasn't really paying attention. Almost as if she was a shell, a mask of sorts. Giving out fake smiles and hallow laughter to her so-called friends.

After watching her a few moments more to insure she was on the right track he left as silently as he came. Swooping in on poor unexpecting students, while still keeping an eye on her progress. _'Yes. Someone needs to keep a watch on her.'_ he mused to himself. Walking back to the front he addressed the class. "Bottle and label your potion and place it on my desk. Then get out!" he barked. "And I want twelve inches on the uses of Mandrake Roots."

He watched as they hurriedly left his room before he could assign anything else. Severus sat and watched as Hermione stop as Potter let her know he was going to supper now. She then made her way to his desk before placing her potion down and walked away.

He didn't know why but he really didn't want her to leave. Almost as if she heard his thoughts she stop and turned around. "Is there something you need sir?" she asked quietly.

However before he could respond Ron came and threw his arm around her. He watched as she cringed from his touch, making it look like a shrug and stepped out of his arms.

"Let's go Hermione, I'm staving." he whined. She looked at him and with one of her infamous fake smiles she nodded. Taking one last look at her sour potions professor she followed him out the door. _'Damn Weasley.'_ he thought angrily. He was going to inform her that she was wanted at the Headmaster's office after supper. Although that wasn't the only reason.

Departing from his classroom he strode to the Great Hall for dinner.

Upon entering the Great Hall he spotted Hermione and Weasley instantly. Potter was found a little ways down the table, he noticed that the 'Golden Trio' was slowly drifting apart. Although it seem to him they were still friends.

Besides Weasley who seemed to have a unhealthy attraction to Hermione. _'I may have to keep an eye for that one.'_ he thought as he slowly chewed his roast beef.

"Severus." he was startled out of thought at the headmaster's voice. "When you are done please escort Miss. Granger to my office." he could see the seriousness in his eyes as he spoke. "Yes, of course Headmaster."

Dumbledore nodded before he left the Great Hall leaving him to his thoughts once more.

~~~HGSS~~~~

Hermione sat at the table repulsed by the food and Ron's gluttony was doing nothing to ease her. "What's wrong Herm?" he asked as he finally came up for breath. "Nothing Ron." she replied not wanting to have this conversation with him.

His eyes darken. "It's Harry isn't it? Leaves us the very moment that he's free and doesn't need our help." he raged. "It not that." she tried to sway him.

"Yes it is. Saying he wants to be friends with other. "Your still my best mates I just feel I should move on." he mocked Harry. "But I know you wont leave me Hermione." as he went back to eating.

"Hey guys." whispered Harry as he took a seat next to Hermione. "Hey." she whispered. "What do you want?" Ron asked rudely who was then slapped in the back of the head by his sister who joined into.

"Ron please we already had this talk. Grow up." he told him. Only to receive a glare for his efforts. "Grow up you want me to grow up? I have. You're just…"

Hermione stared at her plate pretending she wasn't there as the argument wore on. Her fingers itched for her razor, but she had dropped it over the balcony.

Pulling up her sleeve she pressed her nails into her skin and dragged them down, painfully ripping open her skin. She felt the blood leak down her fingertips. The pain removing her from reality, glancing down she saw the four jagged blood red lines on her right forearm. She wiped the blood from her hand and dabbed softly at the cuts.

A shadow passed over her and all went quite between the two boys who were still arguing with each other and Ginny trying to get them to stop. "Miss. Granger if your not to busy conversing with your 'friends'." he sneered the last word with disgust. "Come with me." She stood up and gave a slight nod. He walked from the Great Hall leaving her to try and catch up.

Severus slowed down a bit the farther away they got from the Great Hall. Breaking the silence he started up conversation. "How are you Her-Miss. Granger?" she glanced up into his black eyes before quickly adverting them. "I'm fine sir and you?"

He let out a soft sigh knowing she wasn't going to talk. Arriving at the headmaster's statue he spoke the password. "Neon gummy worms." he scowled at the password. '_I swear he puts these stupid names up here to annoy me._' he thought as they walked up the staircase.

"Ah Miss. Granger, Severus I been expecting you." smiled Dumbledore sadly as he placed a heavy silencing spell around the room. "Lemon drop." He offered. At the heavy silence he cleared his throat to speak. "Miss. Granger how are you?" he asked. Severus held back a snide remark at the question. _' How do you think she you old fool.'_

"Um…I-I'm fine Headmaster." He watched as she looked down at her hands. Deciding to get the point knowing she wasn't going to say anything else he got to the point. "Miss. Granger I know all about the situation at hand." He said in a reassuring way. Her head snapped up to look Severus in his eyes. A glimmer of hurt, distrust flicked in her brown eyes before going out.

"No Miss. Granger, Severus didn't tell me. I promise." Dumbledore told her. "I was there when Severus brought you to the hospital wing."

Although he would never admit it he was hurt that she would even think he would tell. Then again she did have a reason to be distrustful of everyone. _'Her 'father' made sure of that. But you will never have to worry about me Hermione. I'll make sure of it.'_ Clearing his head he realized he missed part of the conversation.

"….Severus is going to be your consular, you are to report to him on Fridays." Hermione shook her head. "N-no please s-sir I-I…I just want to be left alone." she said quietly. "No one knows and I want to keep it that way."

"I'm afraid I cant do that. Keeping things to yourself is not going to ease the pain any less. Nor is it going to make it go away. But I promise that I will do the best of my ability's to ensure you that you will no longer be hurt by his hands or another's. " Dumbledore's voice was firm but gentle.

"Everything will be confidential I won't tell a soul, not even the Headmaster shall know." This time these calming words came from Severus as he looked out the window. Having at some point gotten up and walked over to it.

Looking down at the floor she nodded in appetence. "Very well Miss. Granger you may leave. I promise everything will get better soon." Silently she stood and nodded to the men in the room. Opening the door with her back to them she whispered. "Just because a promise is made doesn't mean it is respected, nor should you make ones that you don't plan on keeping." before walking out and closing the door.

When the door closed shut black eyes meet blue. "Did you see it?" asked Severus quietly. "Yes this is worst then I feared, I peered in her mind and there was nothing but black. Hurt, distrust, and fear it's amazing that she hasn't cracked yet. She must be in pain too after all she cut her arm with her nails." Leaning back he popped a lemon drop in his mouth.

"Yes well pain is sometimes the only thing that keeps us human." Severus replied as he stood from his chair and walked out the door.

Dumbledore watched sadly as he walked away. "Yes, Severus you know that all to well." he whispered in the empty room.

~~~HGSS~~~~

Hermione made her way to her rooms as she had no more classes for the day. Coming to a large portrait of a meadow under a full moon she whispered the password. "Russian Roulette."

The moon grow big until it was a white door slightly glowing. Stepping in she warded her room. Climbing into the middle of the bed she reflected on the events of the day. Suddenly she began to shake, a single tear fell down her face. She tried to suppress the tears but she couldn't help it.

All the pent up frustration and pain finally being released. The pain it was eating her inside out, the guilt that maybe it was her fault that everything happened the way it did. And a sadistic part of her told her she deserved it. Every whip and lashing she got.

She was vaguely aware of glass breaking within her room as her magic lashed out. She didn't even know who she was anymore she was lost and had no way out. Going blindly in a grey fog; forever to be lead in the wrong direction, to one day just dry up and die in a empty shell.

'_No, no someone well find me and help me out. Help me out of the fog.'_ it was a quiet thought but a reassuring one no the less. Finally tried from the days events and the magic outbrust she passed out. The last thing on her mind was seeing Professor Snape on Friday.

_~~HGSS~~~_

Severus closed yet another book on his quest to figure out the magical growth within one Hermione Granger. Yet he didn't find a single thing, or anything close to it. However he noticed that both times she had been in a extremely high emotional state.

Sighing he decided to try again tomorrow. Walking into his study he began trying to come up with ideas for Friday sesussions.

'_My poor Hermione.'_ All thought froze after that. _'No she's not mine nor anyone else.'_ After that he went back to work before left to brew potions for Poppy.

Knowing how to make the potion by heart he began to let his mind wander a bit. He knew something had to be done for her mental state. However he wasn't too sure if he should be the one to help. After all his mind was just as fucked up as her's and maybe that was the point. Any other would just pity her and he knew he wouldn't because he'd hate it himself.

It made things a little easier and awkward that they were now friends of some sort. He still couldn't believe it happened, but he didn't really know how to felt about it at this point.

Bottling and labeling the potion and placing them on the shelves he took a seat by the fire place. _'She needs someone to trust…and maybe I need someone too.'_ he mulled the thought over and the meaning hit him like the Hogwarts Express Train. _'Bloody hell I care for her.'_

But somehow he found he didn't mind. Not a single bit.

**Thank you for your reviews and those who read. Also thanks for being patent about Hermione and Severus coming to gather. But things will start picking up after this. And I will try to update sooner, so please review and I'll update faster. Deal?**


	7. Chapter 7

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter seven: Friday part 1**

**I don't own any of the characters. I stay true to my word and have now updated sorry for being late. Well hope you enjoy as much as I had writing it.**

It seemed as if Friday had come just a bit to fast as Hermione found herself seated in the Great Hall Friday morning. The week had been horrible, between Ron and Harry's constant arguments and herself trying to keep up the mask as it started to slip. Reveling the sleepless nights she suffered and constant weight loss.

All was quiet since she decided to got up early to avoid conflict with Ron and Harry. '_It's not like I had anything else to do.'_ she thought bitterly. Having woke up every three hours in cold sweat, screaming. Pushing aside the nightmares only to be plagued by memories. There were times she was thankful for permanent silencing charms. Being immune to dreamless draught didn't help the situation at all. Having used it every night before it stopped working.

Hermione was so lost in thought she didn't notice Severus walking up behind her. "Miss. Granger." he whispered causing her to jump. "Don't for get your meeting. I want you there by seven." Making sure no one was around he soften his features and squeezed her hand gently. Before making his way to the Head Table with his customary scowl in place. Leaving her to look after him, even more confused then ever.

"Good morning Mione." said Harry happily. Forcing a smile on her face she turned towards him and replied happily. "Morning Harry, you know I wish Ron would go back to that nickname. Herm is just disgusting." she said pulling a face. She watched as Harry laughed.

And in that moment she envied him for it. The happiness and joy of being worry free. Then she felt guilty, she knew all the pain he went through. The pressure of being the chosen one, losing the closest father figure he had. Having to beat the most evil man-snake alive. However that was quickly placed by anger. That she couldn't shrug this off as easily as he could, the fact that she was beginning to crack bit by bit, that she was losing sleep. The fact that her life was slowly becoming a hell hole for her.

The fact that her 'friends' didn't seem to notice, and that one hurt the most.

She watched as the plates began to shake before she realized that it was her doing. Controlling her magic she turned back to Harry who sat staring at her. "What do I have something on my face?" she asked trying to be funny. And to her relief it worked. "No I just asked you did you want to head to class now." he snorted.

"Oh yea. Let's go." she managed out. "Lead the way princess." he joked. Hermione froze in her tracks at the word._ 'Calm down, he doesn't know he was just joking. He was just joking.' _she told herself. Feeling eyes on her she looked up at the Head Table to find Severus and Dumbledore watching her knowingly. Feeling ashamed she turned from them and continued to walk out with Harry laughing and talking as usually.

Severus watch as she conversed with Potter before he started laughing. He watched her intently as emotions fleeted across her face. He barely recognized Dumbledore taken his seat next to him until he spoke. "How is she?" he asked. "As if I knew the answer to that question Albus." he grumbled. Truth was he did know he had been keeping an eye on her to ensure she wouldn't hurt herself. The mask she had fixed herself was slowly slipping away under stress, underfeed, and her two idiot friends who couldn't see past there own damn nose.

Suddenly he felt a pulse of magic, not a big one however but one a lesser wizard wouldn't have been able to feel. Taking a glance around he saw some plates shake looking at some of the students he noticed that they were unfazed. _'Dunderheaded fools the castle could blow and they still be unfazed.'_

Focusing back on her, he watched as she looked up at him before shame washed over her face and she turned away.

~~HGSS~~~

"You want to go to the library?" asked Harry as they entered into Transfiguration. "Yea, I guess so." she agreed quietly. Before Harry got the chance to ask her what was wrong McGonagall walked in. And for that she was grateful, as she didn't feel like explaining herself to him.

"Settle down class." demanded McGonagall as she walked to the front of the class. "Turn to pages 319 in your books."

"Are you sure you're fine Mione? Harry whispered to her. "Yes, I'm fine Harry now quiet." she whispered back as she flipped through her book. "Today's lesson as you can see is going to be on Animagus form." Harry looked at Hermione and grinned. She and Harry were both unregistered animus having thought it would be a good tool to use in the final battle.

Harry was a bold eagle, the top of his head was black for his unruly hair in his human form. Hermione was a black panther with amber eyes flicked with gold and a brown tuff of fur in the shape of a heart on her left thigh. It was the exact a birth mark on her in human form, her mother always said she was made with love.

"Mister Potter, what is a Animagus?" asked McGonagall, startling both her and Harry. "A…A Animagus is a witch or wizard who can morph him or herself into a specific animal at will." he replied easily having learned from experience. "10 points to Gryffindor, now stop talking before I take them away." Harry nodded his head. Taking that as a sign she continued.

"Becoming an Animagus is not an easy job, a whole process of steps are involved." She droned on. "Every Animagus when transformed will have a marking on his or her body that is connected to the human form. Such as birth marks, hair related, if you wear glass it could affect you to as it does me."

After awhile Harry spoke again. "Where's Ron." he whispered. Just then a slightly out of breath Ron entered the room, blushing to the roots of his even redder hair.

"Mister Weasley, care to explain why you are fifteen minutes late to my class?" McGonagall asked sternly. Sheepishly he responded. "I over slept professor." Giggles erupted within the classroom, before the quieted down with a stern look. "Take your seat Mister Weasley, and 10 points from Gryffindor for being late." Turning her attention back toward the class she spoke again." As I was saying if a unregistered Animagus is found they…"

Hermione watched as Ron made a move to sit with her before noticing Harry had the only seat beside her. Scowling at him blackly he moved to the other side of the room. Turning her attention to her left she looked out the window. Taking in the sun's rays as they peaked up over the baby blue mountains.

'_Why? Why is my life falling apart?'_ she asked herself as unanswered questions bounced around in her head. Continuing to stare outside she hoped that maybe she would fall into a deep enough trance to remove herself from reality. To never wake up, to never have to worry about anything just dream in pure bliss.

Unfortunately she was interrupted. "Miss. Granger, pay attention and answer the question. I asked you how many years could one serve if found out or being unregistered?" asked McGonagall impatiently. Hermione continued to stare out the window she knew the answer but why bother to answering it. However she knew if she didn't it would raise questions that she didn't want to deal with at the moment. Looking her professor in the eye she saw how she flinched a little. "Five years." and with that she continued to look outside. Leaving a disgruntle McGonagall to try and teach the class, who were all murmuring about the normally lengthy Gryffindor.

'_What does it matter anyway. I know I'm slipping.'_ It was true for the last few days all the work she turned in was either half done or half ass work. She got 'S' for satisfactory at best. _' Why strive for the best? My life is falling apart, I feel like I'm stuck in quick sand most of the time. So what's the point in trying.' _She was interrupted from her thoughts as Harry seat moved noisily across the floor. "Come on Mione class is done we have a free period." nudging her softly.

"Miss. Granger a moment please." came McGonagall's British accent from behind her. Harry gave her a reassuring smile. "I'll wait here for you." with that he walked out the classroom closing the door.

"Is there something you would like to tell me." she asked. "No professor everything is fine." Hermione whispered hoping she would leave it at that. "Everything is not fine. Your grades are slipping, you're falling behind in class. Your not even taking notes or doing your homework. You hav-" She was cut off by a raised hand. "STOP! Just stop. Professor I don't need you to tell me my life is falling a part, I already know that. I don't need a reminder. "and with that Hermione turned her back and walked out the door.

Walking out he door she noticed Harry leaning up against the wall. "Oh come now Mione don't look so shocked." he mocked. "Now how about we go to the library and get a jump start on this essay." a huge grin plastered on his face. "Essay?" she asked. "Gezz Hermione are you sick or something. 'I wasn't a ten inch essay on Animagus due tomorrow.'" smiling as he mocked the Transfiguration professor. "You may have a study period after lunch but I don't so come on." before walking to the library.

~~~HGSS~~~~~

They been in the library for about ten minutes before a disgruntle Ron sat down beside her. "Hermione, I need your help with my essay." he whispered. "Only if you agree to help look for the work Ron. You always make her do it all." Harry injected before she could speak. Turning red to his roots he spoke again a little louder. "What I do help out I-" "Turn in the work?" interrupted Harry again. "Oh please Ron, if we didn't remind you. I doubt it would get turned in"

"Herm is that true?" whispered Ron a little hurt. Instead of answering she looked away. Letting her silence speak, how was she to help him if her grades were heading down hill as well? Turning even redder with anger he grabbed his stuff. "Fine I don't need your bloody help." he all but yelled before stalking out the library scaring a group of first year Hufflepuffs.

Harry sighed as he watch the door Ron had just passed through. "I wish we could go back to being best mates again, but he just needs to learn to grow up a little. I love you guys like family you know. But I just need other people in my life I always have." he whispered. "I understand Harry." Which she did, it was part of grown up and maturing.

Harry gave a small smile . "I know, and maybe he will too one day. Well its lunch time, ready to eat?" he asked as he gathered his things from the table. "No I think I'll stay a little longer, but I will eat later okay?" a forced smile plastered on her face. Harry gave her look that just screamed 'you better'. Before he gave her a smile and a tiny hug.

Closing her books she got ready to move to the back of the library in a corner where she wouldn't be disturbed. Just as she pushed in her chair a first year Slytherin walked up to her. "Are you Hermione Granger?" he asked boldly. Nodding 'yes' he placed a note in her hand and walked away.

'_Great now what?'_ she couldn't help but ask herself. Taking her seat in the far corner she opened the note.

**Miss. Granger,**

**It is with great pleasure to let you know that you have been appointed as my new apprentice. You are to report to the dungeons on Tuesday, Friday free periods and Saturday at 7 a.m. Unless told otherwise.**

**S.S**

Hermione sat looking dumbfounded at the note in her hand. She had asked for the position last year and was turned down rather harshly. Although she understood why with her being a 'Mudblood' however it still hurt. But now sitting her staring at the note she didn't know what to feel.

Happiness, excitement and joy have all been beaten out of her leaving only anger, sadness, loneliness, and depression in place. So she choose indifference. Slowly she gathered her stuff and left the library and headed toward the Great Hall for her double study period.

~~~~HGSS~~~~~

"Hey Herm." whispered Ron. They had been study and doing work assignments for about an hour and a half. "Yes, Ron." whispered Hermione being mindful that professor Snape was stalking up and down between the tables. "I was wondering if you would like t-." he was cut off as Severus forced him to turn his head. He had been listening in on the conversation and knew what he was going to ask next.

The looks he always gave her, staring at her longer then what was necessary. Dropping hints if they could be called that, it was more like he was wearing a sign that said 'I want to shag you'. Yet he treated her like filth, telling her to do his work. Dropping their supposed 'friendship' every time he got angry over the most stupidest things.

' _She deserves better then that redheaded idiot. Only the best for my Hermione.'_ his thoughts came to an erupt stop and back tracked. _'She isn't my anything, she isn't mine to have. I my admit that I, hard as it is to believe, care about her but that's it. Nothing more, nothing less. Point blank.'_ he told himself firmly.

"Hermione…what I meant to say was…**is**, will you join me in the common room after dinner tonight? You know to hang out together." Ron asked or more like rushed. Severus narrowed his eyes at the dunderheaded fool. _'Is he really talking again after being punished?'_ he didn't have to know to answer the question. Just as he went to punish the boy Hermione spoke again. _'At lest she's smart enough to whisper.'_ he thought.

"I'm sorry Ron, but I can't help you study tonight." and with that she turned in her work and left. Leaving a red-faced Weasley behind. "I didn't mean for studying!" he yelled behind her. "Mister Weasley that is 25 points from Gryffindor. This is a study secession not a Qudditch field." sneered Severus. Inwardly laughing at his dumb founded expression.

'_10 points to Gryffindor Hermione for such entertainment.' _he thought before he released the dunderheads that were still in his care.

~~~HGSS~~~~

Hermione had locked herself in her room as she ponder the days events. She just had to get away for awhile to get herself together before her meeting with Snape. _'No not Snape…Severus.'_ She just couldn't seem to get her mind to wrap around the man who made fun of her teeth. The one who hated her, made her life a living hell for the past six years. Now he was trying to help her through hell which was her life.

Rolling over and getting off the bed she walked over to her window ledge. Looking out side she watched as the dying rays of the sun disappeared behind the mountains as if drowning. However there was no one there to help.

Hermione sat and looked out the window a little while longer. Her thoughts then turned to Ron. She knew exactly what Ron meant when he asked for her to 'join him in the common room.' The truth being that she wasn't interested in Ron. He was more of a brother then a lover. She snorted at the word.

Before summer hit she my have believed in it but now she wasn't sure she wanted to take that risk. That made her want to hate her 'father' even more. Taking the love that she gave him, that he gave her and twist it with his sick mind into something so disgusting. Then throwing it away like filth, and maybe it was.

Just like **he** always said she was filth, something no one would want to touch or be with. _'Not with the scars I have.' _Her eyes burned as tears prick her eyes threatening to fall. Wiping them away angrily she refused to allow any more tears to fall because of **him**.

Still sitting on the window ledge lost in thought she didn't see or hear the house elf as she appeared. She jumped when a small hand touched her own, looking back she saw a small house elf with clear blue eyes staring at her. "I be Winky. Master Snape has sent Winky here to bring food for missy. Winky watch missy eat her food." the house elf beamed at her.

Hermione knew she should've been in the Great Hall, but she just couldn't take the fighting anymore. She had seen enough of it during the war, now it was between her best friends. _'It's even me against myself.' _she thought bitterly.

A noise snapped her out of her thoughts turning her head she say Winky placing a tray near the bed. "Come, time to eat missy. Not eating bad for missy health." replied Winky rather bossy. Hermione gave a sad, tried smile even though it didn't reach her eyes. "Thank you Winky." whispered Hermione as she tried to eat the food.

Only managing a few spoonful's of mashed potatoes. Before suddenly rushing to the bathroom and emptying her stomach into the toilet. Feeling a cool cloth placed on her neck, looking up she peered into clear blue eyes. Tears gathered there in the elf's eyes as they showed concerns.

"Thank you again Winky I'm okay now." whispered Hermione as she made to stand. Swaying slightly she made her way to her bed to sit. "Is missy sure she okay, Winky here to help, Winky good helper." She spoke enthusiastically. "I'm fine Winky, you may leave now." glancing back out the window she heard the distant pop as the elf disappeared.

Checking her clock she decided she had about twenty-five minutes to spare before her meeting with Sn…Severus. Washing her face she looked in the mirror, her charm must have worn off because she could see the dark circles around her eyes. Her skin still had a slight sickly pale compilation but looked better then before.

Reaching in her pocket she pulled out her wand and a piece of paper came out too. Picking it up and reading it she remembered her apprenticeship. Deciding to tell Ron and Harry so that they can manage time around it she decided to go to the Gryffindor common room. Redoing all her charms she made her way up to the stairs.

~~HGSS~~

Five minutes later she was standing outside the portrait. Taking a deep breath she whispered the password 'lion's heart' and entered. Her eyes quickly found Harry's green ones, how ever she didn't see Ron as she headed over to Harry. "I thought you said you couldn't make it here tonight." Ron sneered behind her. His blue eyes ablaze with angry. "I-I can't stay long I have to go soon. But I wanted to tell you guys some good news." she said forcing her voice to be steady.

"Shut it Ron. So what's the good news Mione." Harry spoke. With as much 'happiness' as she could muster into the act she smiled brightly. "I'm professor Snape's new apprentice. Tuesday and Friday free periods, sorry Harry." knowing that was their study secessions and days to do homework since he didn't have study hall with Ron and herself.

Harry nodded for her to continue. "And Saturdays at 7 a.m." she finished with a wide grin.

"That's great Mione." beamed Harry as he hugged her. "Now you can become an potion mistress like you wanted." giving her one last hug. "You what?" yelled Ron attracting attention. "So you rather spend time with the greasy git then me?" he spoke so low, venom laced in his voice. Anger etched in his features reminding herself of her 'father'. Hermione forced herself not to flinch as he stepped closer.

"What are you doing for him, because last year I remember him saying no." spat Ron "W-what do you mean-?" she started only to be cut off. "You're sleeping with him aren't you. You're just filth, a slytherin whor-" He never got to finish the sentence as Harry punched him in the face. However, the damage was done.

'_Filth, filth, filth. I'm just filth.'_ The mantra repeated itself in her mind over and over again. Tears began to run done her face, pushing her way through the coward that form from Ron's tirade she left. Ignoring Harry's pleads for her to come back. Running onto the castle grounds she headed towards the forbidden forest. Once at the edge she transformed without stopping into a beautiful black panther. Entering into a clearing she transformed back.

Looking up into the sky, tears still falling down her face. Dripping to her knees she let out a sorrowful cry into the night. Every creature felt and heard the anguish and pain in the cry, even the centaurs bowed there heads in a rare sign of respect at the mournful cry.

The sky darken as if it might cry for the young woman who laid in fetal position on the ground. Hermione could feel her magic crackling in the air as the wind picked up. All her bottled emotions popped free leading the raging war against herself and the world.

She closed her eyes not wanting to see nor hear anything as her magic continued to lash. Unable to control it, left only to wait it out like a raging storm.

~~~HGSS~~~Flashback

_Seven year old Hermione Granger came home crying as she got off the bus. Walking inside her room she laid on her bed and continued to cry. Mary Jane Granger walked in her room and quietly closed the door. Sitting on the edge of the bed she spoke._

"_Come here my baby girl." she whispered softly. Holding her daughter she spoke again. "What happened?" rubbing Hermione's back with a tenderness only a mother could have. "A-all t-th-the k-kids at school *hiccup* ma-make fun o-of me *sniff* and c-call me names." She stuttered in her mother's shoulder._

"_Hermione, you should never let what others say to you effect you. Instead you should ignore them because you know its not true and that's the only thing that matters." she whispered to the crying girl. "Is any of it true?" she asked._

"_No *hiccup* but I-it doesn't s-stop it fr-from hurting." said Hermione as she lifted her tearstained face. _

"_I know honey and sometimes it does hurt but all pain heals with time." she responded tenderly. Wiping her eyes she gave a small smile. "Thank you mommy I feel much better. I love you." giving her mother another hug. "No matter what happens I will always love you forever." stated Mrs. Granger as she returned the hug._

~~~HGSS~~~~flashback end

Hermione sat up realizing that she pasted out during the release. Lifting her eyes toward the clear sky. "I love you mom forever and always." she whispered with a sad, tearful smile. Shivering but not quite ready to leave yet she transformed and laid curled up in the soft patches of the meadow. Losing herself in time as she stared up at the clear sky.

A shooting star passed by in a flash of beautiful silver. _'I wish for a light to my darkness. Someone that I can reveal my dark secrets to.' _With that her eyes slowly closed.

~~~HGSS~~~

Severus sat in his office waiting for Hermione to knock on his door. He was truly worried for the little girl turned woman. Severus was no fool, he knew she was using magic to make food disappear off her plate to fool her friends. That's why he sent Winky to make sure she ate and not pull how muggles say 'a fast one.' or some sort.

However, when Winky returned and told what happened he grew increasingly worried. Deciding that he should talk to her about it to night he put it off to the side. His mind was now on other things such as her grades.

As far as he heard her test papers came back with 'S' for Satisfactory instead of the usual 'O'. She even managed a 'T' for Trying on a charms essay. Severus himself had given the young woman a 'S' in his class on potions and essay. Instead of his usual snaky comments he just told her how disappointed he was. It was all he could do, he had after all berated her for six years and look where it got her.

After a while he realized it was twenty minutes past seven. _'Where is she?'_ Warding his office and classroom to alert him just in case she showed up, he made his way to the Head Girl and Head Boy common rooms. After muttering the password he walked in only to see Head Boy James Thompson: Slytherin. "Mr. Thompson is Miss. Granger here?" lifting his head from his book. "No sir, I believe she left for Gryffindor tower."

Severus nodded his head. "Fine, if she comes back tell her to report to my classroom." and with that he walked out. _'Time to face the dunderheaded duo.'_ he thought bitterly as he arrived at the Fat Lady. Giving the password he walked into the lion's den.

All was quiet as he stepped through, the students to shock at seeing the most feared professor in their tower. _'Gryffindor courage my ass.'_ he thought smirking to himself. A loud thump was heard as Longbottom hit the floor, rolling his eyes he spotted Potter.

"Mister Potter, follow me." and with that he walked out with his black robes billowing behind him. Soon the not such a pain in the arse was standing in front of him. "Do you know where Miss. Granger is?" he sneered out of habit. He watched as the boy blink at his words as if trying to process them. Finally he snapped out of his haze and blurted out the answer.

"Hermione came in to tell us the good news, and Ron got very upset. He said some…things and Hermione ran out crying. I tried to call her back but she was to far gone." Harry rushed out. Severus noticed the disgust of which Potter said the Weasley's name, but no he really had to hurry and find her.

Muttering a quick thank you he left with his robes billowing behind him. Once he turned a corner he pulled out a his wand and murmured a 'find me' me charm. He watched as it floated above his palm and the tip turned green pointing in her direction.

Severus followed it to the edge of the forbidden forest before he stopped. _'Foolish girl. What is she thinking?'_ he thought. Pulling a extra wand out he ventured into the forest. Watching as the trees grew thicker and then thinned out into a meadow.

Taking a step into the clearing after checking it was safe. The tip of his wand soon turned from green to blue. _'I must be close.'_ standing in the middle of field he spotted a black figure. Pointing his wand at it he took a step forward, twig cracked under his foot and the figure jumped up. He stood face to face with a very large panther.

It wasn't till they locked eyes that he knew what or better yet whom it was.

"Miss. Granger?"

**Sorry I ended it like this. But I got to carried away with it so I'm making two parts to this chapter. So please forgive me and I promise to update soon. So Read, Enjoy, and Review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**************My Dark Secret**************

**************Chapter Eight: Friday part 2**************

**************I don't own any of the chacters, just plot. Here's the second part. I loved writing this chapter and I believe this was my best one. So a big thank you for those who read and/or reviewed. I love you guys. And a special Thanks to _Alfie Xllth's Rosary_ who is my beta. I love you guys. :P **************

_Before:_

It wasn't till they've locked eyes that he knew what or better yet whom it was.

"Miss. Granger?"

Now:

Hermione didn't understand what was happening for her mind was still foggy, but her first instinct was to run. And that's exactly what she did. As fast as her legs could carry her, she ducked and dodged her way through the forest. 'Run, run, run, run!', the thought running through her mind in a repeating cycle. All of the sudden, she was knocked over on her side by someone, sending both of them tumbling to the forest ground.

They wrestled for a good while until her attacker grabbed her by the scruff of the neck. She felt herself being dragged, but she didn't go without a fight. Digging her claws into the earth, Hermione tried catching onto roots in an attempt to freed herself. Unfortunately, those acts of resistance only resulted in her being tugged more forcefully and a low, warning snarl emitting from her attacker. Whatever it was, her assailant was no doubt, bigger and stronger then her.

Finally after what seemed like ages, she was dropped. Taking note of her surroundings, she realized that she was in the same meadow she had bolted from earlier.

*_Crunch_*. Hearing movements from behind her, Hermione twisted around abruptly. In front of her prowled a stunningly beautiful panther much larger than her, with striking eyes as black as coal. The color of its fur was of a dark shade of ebony, closely bordering to blue. _'Just like the exact tone of Professor Snape's hair..._' she mused, unable to stop that train of thought.

A breeze blew in her direction and she briefly caught the scent of the panther, a mixture of sandalwood and spice that was strangely familiar. _'Oh __shit, it's Snape!'_ Hermione gasped with that shocking revelation. Shifting  
>back to her human form, she muttered almost inaudibly as if unsure, "Pr-pro-professor Snape? Is that you...?"<p>

Hermione watched in silent awe as the panther transformed, and right before her eyes stood Professor Snape.

"Miss. Granger, please explain why you're in the woods instead of being in the castle?" Severus questioned softly. Hermione wasn't sure if it was a question, but she did know that he was utterly dismayed with her actions. "I'm s-sorry sir. I-I just had to get away, I-I panicked." she stammered, unable to control the tears that had formed in her eyes from spilling down her cheeks.

Hermione hung her head, refusing to meet his gaze so he wouldn't be able to catch a glimpse of her tear-stricken face. She failed to see the worry etched all over Severus's face. What Hermione didn't expect was to feel a calloused hand lightly brushing across her face, gently wiping away the tears. Lifting her head in confusion, her eyes locked with the professor's softer ones, ones that were filled with concern and something else. "That is why I'm here. Please Hermione; promise me that you'll come to me next time. Please." implored Severus, his voice a mere whisper.

A gentle gust of wind rustled through the meadow, resulting in the curtain of black locks to dance across Severus's face as he waited for her answer. "I promise." If someone was to ask why she had made that promise, she would be at a loss of words, not knowing how to answer. Perhaps it was the pleading tone in Severus voice, or maybe because she has never felt this safe in months.

Seemingly satisfied, he withdrew his hand from her face. "So...a panther, huh?" he asked, a hint of amusement lacing his voice. "Si-sir please don't tell on me." she pleaded with him. Hermione knew the consequences of her action would result in her being incarcerated in Azkaban. "You have my word that I won't tell, if I have yours." his silky, baritone voice cutting right through her raging thoughts.

Her eyes snapped back to his. "You?" was all she managed to choke out. "Miss. Gra..." Severus sighed inwardly,"…Hermione we're here to talk about you not me. Now come along." with that he turned on his heel, his black robes billowing around him. Knowing better than to defy him, Hermione followed him. They walked in silence before coming to an identical looking meadow. Only difference was that this one had a rocky ledge. It stopped over the Black Lake, giving a breathtaking view of the now smoky gray mountains glowing faintly from the soft moonlight, and showed part of the castle.

Hermione watched as Severus wandlessly put the protective wards in place around the area, before propping himself down with his legs dangling over the ledge. "You need not be afraid, Hermione." he said smoothly. Contemplating his words, Hermione took a step towards the edge and sat down. Several minutes went by as they sat there without a word to each other, and then he broke the silence.

"Why are you out here Hermione?" It was an innocent question, but she wasn't ready to deal with it just yet. _'It's not like I'm use to trusting so easily __either.'_ she thought bitterly. Instead, she kept quiet. She heard him sigh  
>softly at her reluctance to answer and took her silence for what it was.<p>

Severus could do no more or no less than what he had already done. _'I did the __same thing. I don't know why I thought it would be any different.'_ Leaving his self-loathing for later, he started a small conversation.

"Hermione, you have a lot of people who are worried, concerned about you." He added. It was a partial lie, only Potter, himself, and Dumbledore knew that she was missing. However what she didn't know wouldn't kill her. _'I hope.' _Severus mused, smirking inwardly at the dark humor in the crude irony. _'Fuck. Be serious damn it.'_He cursed silently.

"I highly doubt that, sir. As far as I believe, if anybody knows I'm missing it's you, Harry, and Professor Dumbledore. If anyone else noticed they will assume that I went to the library." and then in barely a whisper he heard her add, "That's what the old Hermione would do."

"The old Hermione?" he inquired, _'Now we're getting somewhere.'_ he thought. "Yes Professor, people can change. Either for the better or for the worst." Her voice was cold, empty and void of all emotions. "Yes, but sometimes the worst changes for the better." he told her softly. _'You're looking at one. __Well one who could get about as close as one of my caliber could get.'_

"Then tell me, tell me how to do it." Hermione's voice trembled, her pitch rising higher as she forced the words out, "Because there have been times when I've come so close to killing myself. You don't know the countless of times I have turned my wand against myself and just wanted to utter the killing curse! I'm tired of the pain, of feeling anything at all! It feels as if I'm stuck in a quicksand, slowly suffocating, drowning in my pain and sorrow. SO TELL ME HOW THE FUCK TO DO IT! CAUSE I. DON'T. KNOW. !" She was yelling by now, her tears of flowing freely again. Severus pulled her onto his lap, this was what he had been waiting for.

"I don't know Hermione, only you can figure that out." he murmured softly, "But you can't keep bottling up your emotions, they will lead to your downfall." Tilting her chin upwards, he continued, "I'm here for you. You don't have to go through this, do this all by yourself." Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a black, leather bound book, with no name on it. "Take this; I want you to read it. I trust you enough to handle it with care and keep it safe." With that he lifted her to her feet. Not wanting to push her further, he decided they would continue with this topic another time.

"Come, it's after curfew." Severus remarked, already striding away back to the castle. Hermione looked at the book in her hand. "Professor, wait." she called, grabbing the hem of his robe sleeves. "Yes Hermione? And it's Severus. We're friends in this, so I believe we're on a first name basis, remember that." Severus replied, wheeling around to face her fully.

"O-okay. Um…if you trust me with this then I want to tell you something." Before she could utter another word, he had placed his hand firmly on her shoulder. "No. You have reached your limit for the day. I won't push you. Read this, and if you still feel like you trust me. Then come to my office, the door will always be open for you."

Nodding her head, Hermione trailed after him towards the castle. Once inside he walked her to her quarters. They stood outside the door awkwardly. "Remember what I said Miss. Granger. I'm always here for you." his silky voice breaking the silence. "Th-thank you Sev…I mean Professor." she mumbled. Stepping forward shyly, Hermione tiptoed and lightly kissed Severus on the cheek. "Goodnight, Severus." and retired to her quarters, leaving behind a stunned and slightly blushing Severus. His hand came up to rest upon the spot where she had kissed him. With a swirl of his robes he left, but not before leaving a whisper in the night.

"Goodnight, Hermione."

********So did this satisfy you hungry readers or do you want more? Lol. So I thought a panther was a good form for our sexy professor. I always thought of him as one with all his grace. But now there are so many unanswered questions on what will happen next? What is the book? How was the kiss on the cheek on Severus's part? Lol, and to those who are waiting patently on the answer to Hermione's powers. I will post it soon as I figure it out myself. Lol If you got ideas for that let me know. Thank You. Please Review, they feed the idea bunnies running around my head.********


	9. AN

**R.I.P**

**Ashley Jean Donovan**

**9/14/93-9/1/11**

**This story wouldn't exist without you. So thank you for believing in me and helping me write it. I will always love you Boo Bear. See you on the other side.**

**This story is in memory of: Ashley Donovan. **

**Great sister and friend.**


	10. Chapter 9

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter nine: A Step Forward And Trust part1**

**As you know I don't own nothing but the plot. Thank you for the reviews. **** So with out farther ado here is the next chapter enjoy. Oh and sorry for the lateness.**

Hermione sat outside at the Qudditch Pitch watching Harry and Ginny zoom through the air. Having stayed locked up in her room all morning. It wasn't till lunch came around that she left.

When she sat down at the table she was suddenly overwhelmed with questions from Harry. Shrugging him off she began nibbled on a sandwich for a while."Where did you go last night Mione I was worried sick?" Harry asked once more. "Harry please I just went to the library." Feeling slightly annoyed. When he continued to ask more she pulled her last card. "Let's go to the Qudditch Pitch when we're done." she offered hoping to get him to leave her alone.

It worked. Now she sitting here lost in thought. Her mine going over last nights events. _'Did he truly mean what he said?' _she couldn't help wondering at the small fact. _**'I'm here for you.'**_ his voice still ranged in her head.

'_H-he couldn't mean it.'_ however she couldn't help the part of her that wanted to do nothing but believe him. The part that wanted to be held and loved properly. That needed compassion and to be cared for, to not have it twisted. To not have it thrown back in her face, only to find it stained with darkness and hate.

Hermione sighed. She was really at war with herself. So many people had lied to her before how could this be any different? _'How do I know he won't go off and tell everyone?' __'You don't know. But it may be worth the risk._' _'No don't do it you don't need his help or anybody else. You been on your own long enough.' __' Oh yes and look where it has gotten you._'

Closing her eyes she willed the inner battle away. "Mione you okay?" asked Harry. Startled she whipped her wand out on him. "Hey, I'm on your side." he exclaimed. "Sorry Harry you scared me." putting away her wand.

"Um…are you sure you're okay Mione? You know you can tell me anything right?" a small smile spreading on his face. "Yea I know Harry, but I'm fine you have nothing to worry about." she said. _'Because it's nothing you can fix, let alone understand.'_ willing the bitter thought away she turned back to Harry.

Just as she went to speak a blond-head boy flew over to them. "Come on mate the team needs you." he spoke. Turning to her he gave a slight nod, before flying off again. "You better go your friends need you, plus you're playing Slytherin soon." Plastering a big smile on her face. "What about you I don't want you to just be by yourself." he said standing up.

"Don't worry I'm about to head to the library. To study now go have fun." giving him a little shove. "Ok Mione I'll see you later." she watched as he zoomed off toward the pitch.

Glancing one more time in their direction she picked up her stuff and headed off towards the school.

~~~HGSS~~~~~

Severus sat in his office staring blankly at the seventh year essays in front of him. The one having caught his attention was one Hermione Granger. He didn't know whether to be angry or worried as he stared at the half ass work in front of him. She was smarter then this and she knew it. He noticed coldness in her voice when she spoke the emptiness in her words. But he was sure he saw a flicker of that light, of some warmth as she kissed his cheek last night.

His hand unconsciously touched his cheek as he remembered her warm lips. The kiss had warmed his chest in away that he hadn't felt in along time and he wasn't to sure how he felt bout that. Last time that happened he got hurt he wasn't sure if he was ready for that again. But he was sure she was different in many ways to the previous.

Truth be told he always held the girl turned young woman in high standards. She was intelligent, bright, and very mature for her age. But now she seemed stripped of her very existence. And not for the first time he wanted to kill her bustard of a father. _'If I every see him I'm going to rip his bloody head off with my hands.'_ he smirked in satisfaction at the image.

Rubbing his eyes he stood and warded his office door. And walked to the library for a bit of reading before dinner. Walking in he sneered at the dunderheads who in turn stepped out of his way, as he headed for his favorite spot in the back of the library.

Just before he turned the corner of the last bookshelf near the Restricted Section he heard a noise. _'Who the hell is sitting in my spot.'_ intending on giving the person the lashing of a life time he stopped short.

Sitting in his 'spot' was Hermione. Surprisingly she was without a book, as a matter of fact there wasn't even a book on the table. She was just sitting there. Fearing for her mental state of mind he was about to ask her what she was doing. When she shifted.

Severus watched as she rolled up her sleeve revealing several scars going across her wrist and forearm. She silently traced one of the scars on her wrist in a look of what one would call awe. He watched as emotions of anger, sadness, and pain crossed her face.

However the last emotion that he saw surprised him. Confusion. She looked almost lost as she sat there. It made Severus almost want to wrap his arms around her. Almost.

And that confused him even more. He felt his chest tighten as a tear dropped from her face landing on her scared wrist. Stepping forward silently he thought about what he was doing. _'Just because she's crying doesn't mean she wants my help. Maybe she wants to be alone. __AND maybe your just a bustard who's to scared to help.__' _

He froze on that thought was that really how he portrayed himself. That just maybe he is to scared to feel even if it was for the benefit of another. Pushing past his raging thoughts he stepped forward again. He was right in front of her now he could faintly smell vanilla and jasmine coming from her.

However it seemed she still had not noticed him. Placing a notice-me-not charm around them he kneeled down. Slowly he wiped the tears from her face without a word. Her amber eyes bore into his black ones. Confusion was written all over her face as he continued to dry her face. Grabbing her lightly by the shoulders he pulled her into a gentle hug before standing and leaving.

He head back to the dungeons as fast as his long legs could take him. He didn't know why he did it and he wasn't sure why he felt the need. It felt like something was pulling him in, drawn him to her. But at that moment it made his heart stop for those few seconds before he left. Leaving behind a feeling of warmth.

Severus stride to his liquor cabinet and pulled out a glass and a bottle of fire whiskey. He need to calm his nerves, pouring a full shot before downing it in one go. _'What is wrong with me running away like some teenage boy on his first crush.'_ he thought bitterly as he stared into the fire.

Suddenly it turned green. "Severus can I speak to you in my office." came Dumbledore's voice through the flames. "Of course Headmaster." downing his last shot he floo'ed through.

~~~HGSS~~~

Hermione sat frozen in the library as she watched the retreating form of the potion master's back. Another tear slipped slowly down her check as she placed back on the glamour's and left.

She had been remembering the first time she had cut herself it was clear as day. Some may have wished to be rid of such a memories, however to her it was as if she was greeting a old friend.

The feeling of blood flowing freely letting out the anger, the loneliness she felt. The searing white pain, a welcoming feeling against the cold harsh hell hole she lived in. Yes. Pain was good it let her know she was still alive, still breathing. THAT she could still feel something other then hate, anger, sadness, guilt, and loneliness.

It was as if her soul was being freed for that one moment giving her peace. Until it faded then it would start all over again.

Tracing one last invisible scar she grabbed her things and left. Making her way to her room she whispered her password and stepped inside. Placing her things down she walked to her bed and laid down think of the enigma that was Severus Snape. _'Why would he hug me and then just leave like that?' _That was the one thought that came to the front of her mind and no matter how hard she thought she just couldn't understand. _'Maybe he was just being… Snape.' _she finally thought.

Rolling over she felt something crack. Rolling back over she realized she rolled over on a picture frame, upon closer expectation she realized it was a family portrait. Taken a few days before her mother's death.

Hermione cast a 'Repairo' charm fixing the glass to look at it some more, as she sat up.

Her mother had wanted them all to get a picture together before Christmas, she had been so excited about it. Having bought them all matching sets of clothes. She was so happy about the final outcome of the picture she had a poster sized version sent to the house to hang on the wall.

Hermione gave a sad smile. "We look so happy." she whispered. Happy. That was a emotion that had been ripped away the moment she saw her mother at the hospital. This happiness only served to make her angrier as she studied the photo. "Why? Why cant I have that? What have I done to have my family fall apart?" she raged. She flung the picture at the wall and watched as the glass shattered.

The sound pleasing to her, getting up she began pulling things off the walls and shelves. Books being thrown around the room, glass smashed, and pictures ripped. Tears ran down her face as she vented her anger. Finally all the anger was gone leaving her uncomfortable empty and numb. There was a slightly burning in her chest, a piece of her soul gone.

"What have I done to deserve this? She asked out loud again, as she stood on her knees.

Crawling over to the broken picture she thrown at the wall, Hermione removed the photo placing it to her heart. Feeling something wet she looked at her hands. She watched as blood weep from the open gashes in her hands due to all the glass she smashed.

Looking about the room she noticed the blood stains on her wall. And on many pieces of glass, and smeared across the floor from where she ripped up photos. Removing the photo from her chest she looked at the blood as it smeared it.

Feeling very tired she laid down and watched as her life force oozed from her hand to puddle on the floor before passing out. _**'You mustn't bottle your emotions, it will only lead to your down fall.'**_ she could hear Severus's voice in her ear. _'Someone help me I'm losing control.'_ was the last thought in her mind before darkness over came her.

~~~HGSS~~~

Severus sat talking with Dumbledore as he reported how her progress was going. "She is recovering bit by bit. I got her to talk to me yesterday when I found her." standing up he walked over to a window and stared at the dieing rays. "I gave her the book Albus." he whispered.

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled at the news he knew it was a giant step for the young man. Not even he knew everything about the young man's life. However he was not surprised at the news. "Ah and why would you do that my boy?" he already knew but he wanted to hear it.

"Why shouldn't I? She should have a least one person there to let her know she is not alone." Severus whispered. "Indeed, my boy. Indeed." Turning around Severus eyed the older man. "There's something your not telling me Albus out with it." his black eyes peering into blue ones.

"Yes, that is one of the reason I asked you to come here today." Albus waved for him to sit down. "Lemon drop?" passing a bowl across the table. Severus open his mouth to tell him to get a move on when he felt a sharp pain in his chest. "Mmmm." he moaned placing a hand over his chest.

"Severus are you all right?" asked Dumbledore as he came to the younger man's side. His chest burned again before he heard the faintest of whispers. _**'Somebody help me I'm losing control.' **_just before he could truly make out the voice it was gone. Along with the burning in his chest, panting he sat up and looked at Albus. "Did you hear that?" he asked.

"Hear what my boy?" just as Severus was beginning to answer Winky popped into the room. "Masters, Masters some thing is wrong with Missy." squeaked the small little house elf. "Winky know not what to do. Winky went to check on Missy when Winky found Missy bleeding and room trashed." the house elf cried pulling on its ears.

"Hermione!" before anyone could move Severus was already stepping through the floo with Dumbledore right behind him.

Stepping into the Head Common room they made there way to the Head Girl room. Severus placed his hand on the door and felt the magical ward. _'Fuck, damn it Hermione what have you done?'_ Pushing back the thoughts he began bring down the wards to let them into the room.

As soon as the last ward was broken the stepped into the room. And their mouths dropped in shock. The room was a total mess, glass laid everywhere along with paper and ripped photos. However what caught the most attention was the bloody hand prints that were smeared on the wall. The bloody trail that laid spilled on pieces of glass and photos. The bloody trail that lead to a unconscious Hermione Granger.

Severus rushed forward as Dumbledore closed the door and began to right the room again. _'My beautiful Hermione.' _he thought as he brushed away her hair and pulled her into his lap. Slowly he removed her hands from her chest and studied them.

He found many pieces of glass stuck in the gashes of her hands. Opening them slowly he saw a piece of paper fall out of her hands. Uncrumbling it he saw it was a picture of her mother and 'father'. His blood boiled at the sight of the monster. Placing the photo on the bed he turned his attention to her hands and slowly lifted her before stalking into the bathroom. Causing her to stir every so lightly in his arms.

Running water in a large bowl he conjured he slowly dipped her hands into, cleaning the dried blood. Holding her wrist Severus watched as Dumbledore used his wand to remove the pieces of glass. One by one.

~~HGSS~~~Hermione's Epiphany

_Hermione awoke on the floor the same way she fell uncurious. Looking around she moved her hands to help her stand only to wince in pain. Checking her hands she noticed they were crusty from all the dried blood, and they bleed once more as the glass split the skin open again._

_Getting all the way up she walked over to her bathroom, turning the water on she magical removed the glass. For awhile she paused in her work to watch the light red water swirl down the drain. "Washed away to forever be forgotten." she whispered to herself. With a slight frown on her face she continued to heal her hands._

_Pulling out the last pieces of glass she pulled a rather large shard from her palm. Cursing slightly at the pain it caused she stared down at the glass. A oh so familiar itch made itself known, itching to do more damage then good._

_Placing the tip to her wrist she prepared to cut. However she paused, looking down at her wrist and hands she studied the scars and open cuts there. Slowly Hermione removed the glass from her skin, lifting it to the light she glanced at it one more time. Before tossing it in the trash can._

_Looking in the trash can she turned back to her still bleeding hands. Placing them under the cool water to flush it out. "No more. No more self pain." she said quietly. "I don't need it. I. Don't. Need. It!" she told herself firmly. Determined to not give in to the impulse and focused on healing her hands. Though it still left tiny slivery scars._

_Sliding down the wall she realized that she won she had just beat the addiction. Gone was the extra pain the heavy burden on her heart. Though a good amount was there it wasn't as heavy. Hermione felt the tears slide down her face not bothering to stop them._

_This was what she needed to release emotions in a less harmful way. That's what Severus meant when he told her not to bottle her emotions. Suddenly she sat up straighter. "I just had an epiphany." the realization hitting her finally._

"_Wait till I tell Severus!" pausing she thought about what she said. There it was staring her right in the face she wanted to trust him. However she still remembered the insults he sent her way. But looking back she realized that he was trying to make it up to her._

_Deciding she would think of it more she crawled towards her bed. Having been to weak to walk, pulling herself onto the bed. Suddenly she felt extremely tried and her lids grew heavy before she became incased in darkness._

~~~HGSS~~~

Having finally healed her hands Severus laid Hermione on the bed. "Severus I think she is about to awake." came the calm voice of Dumbledore. "Yes, I believe you're right Albus." he said after a short pause. The truth being that he didn't want her to wake just yet. She looked so peaceful in her sleep and he didn't really want her to be brought back to the pain just yet

However he could do nothing more then watch as her eyelids fluttered open. "Sev-severus?" his name coming out as a tiny whisper. Severus looked back at Dumbledore. Dumbledore nodded his head as he left the room, with a sad twinkle.

"Yes, Hermione?" he asked as he turned back to her. Pushing back a strand of her chestnut hair he looked in to her dark amber eyes. "I-I didn't…do it. I-I st-stopped myself. I b-beat him." with that her eyes slowly slid shut. Leaving Severus to ponder what she meant. _'She stopped herself?' _his mind racing as he ponder the possibilities of what she meant.

Taking one last look at her he tucked the covers around her and left the room. Closing the door he meet the twinkling blue eyes of Dumbledore. Rising an eyebrow at him. "What?" he nearly spat. "Nothing my dear boy, nothing." Dumbledore said as he raised his hands in surrender. "I learned along time ago that when you say nothing you mean something." and with that he stalked out the room towards the dungeons.

Missing the words that came from Dumbledore's lips. "All in good time my boy. Even I have to wait for the miracles of life." as the old man popped a lemon drop in his mouth.

~~~~HGSS~~~~

Severus sat in his personal chambers sipping the golden liquid of fire whiskey. He thought of how; dare he say it, scared he been when they walked into the bloody and trashed room. Yes he remembered every emotion he felt as he went through the process of cleaning her wounds.

The cold hand anxiety as he walked into the bloody and trashed room. The harsh grip of fear when he saw her pale body laid in the mist of rubbish and glass, as her hands bleed and covered the floor. The undying rage as he saw the picture of her 'father' and her mother held tightly in her bloody grasp. The slight breeze of relief as he felt her stir when he touched her. The numbing pain he felt as they removed the glass from her hands. The warm gentle touch of compassion as he tuck her in and moved a lock of hair behind her ear.

Yes, he felt many emotions that he never thought he would ever have let alone feel for another. Downing another shot he stood and made his way to the Great Hall for dinner.

**Thank you all for the very nice reviews and everything. Ideas are growing everyday. Once again there shall be another part2 in the making. So please keep reviewing and I'll keep writing.**


	11. Chapter 10

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter ten: ****A Step Forward And Trust part2**

**I don't own characters just plot. Once again I would love to thank all my wonderful readers, reviewers, and friends. Also sorry for being late to update hitting a rough patch in life. But enough chit chat on with the story. Plot bunnies away!**

Hermione awoke slightly disoriented as she looked around her room. Rolling over she was able to catch sight of the dieing rays of the sun as it disappeared behind the mountains. Slowly she reached out and grabbed her wand and felt a slight sting of pain. Flinching she opened her hand and stared at the tiny, thins cuts on her hand.

Suddenly all of the events of the past hour or so came back. She remembered the pent up rage. The glass, bloody walls, and torn pictures. Her room was completely trashed, but now it was all cleaned everything in its place. She barely remembered what happened after she past back out on her bed.

Hermione was sure Severus was here, or had been here. She was sure she told him that she stopped herself from inflicting self harm. However, she wasn't sure if that was real or a made up dream of how she wished it to be. Her mind slowly processed her last thought. She didn't know why but she felt safe with him, but she still couldn't bring herself to trust him.

'_It almost seems to easy, to believe.'_ she thought as she rolled over on her back. Almost lost in thought she was bought back to reality by the rumble of her stomach. For a second she considered not eating she knew dinner had to be going on by now. But she really wasn't in the mood to talk or see anyone she had too much on her mind right now.

So instead she called Winky. The little elf stood before after a soft pop. "Winky do you think you can bring me a bit of dinner? Something light please?" she asked politely. "Yes yes! Winky can do that missy." the elf beamed before she was gone in a flash.

Soon she popped back in with a crack holding a small bowl of chicken noodle soup. "Here missy eat this. This good for missy, help missy feel better." she exclaimed as she pushed the bowl into Hermione's hands.

Hermione looked confusingly at Winky for a moment before she spoke. "Winky how did you know I was hurt?" She watched as tears welled up in the big blue eyes. "Winky come in to check on missy, but when Winky get here missy was on floor bleeding and room was a mess." by now the little elf was pulling its ears. "I go get master Snape and Headmaster. They come clean you up and room. Winky feel better now that you feel better. So does master Snape."

Hermione stared wide eyed at the elf as it retold the events. _'So Severus had been here.'_ she thought. Then the rest of the sentence caught up with her over working brain. "Severus doesn't care for me Winky he just doing this because Dumbledore told him to." she replied as she sadly ate her soup.

"No. Master care for missy, Winky hear it in master voice when he say missy name or talk about missy." The small elf took hold of Hermione's hand and held it in hers'.

"Missy is good for master, master like missy. And Winky think master is good for missy too." and with that the elf, and the empty bowl disappeared. Leaving a even more confused Hermione behind.

'_He cant care can he?'_ Then she remembered all of the things he had done so far. He offered her a somewhat rocky friendship, kept her from jumping to her death; something she wasn't sure if it was a good thing yet. Was willing to keep her secret of being an anigmus and now he had healed her wounds of rage and pain. He had healed her. _'So what I did or thought I did was only a dream?' _she thought.

No it had to be true in some form. In some way she had taken a step forward, choosing to step away from the extra pain. Choosing to at that moment throw away the glass. Glass that she could have easily sliced her skin open with. _'It has to be a sign. Dream or no dream.'_

Rolling over on her side she closed her eyes and slowly opened them again. The first thing she saw, was the black book that Severus had given to her. She reached out and picked it up. Taking her hand she moved her hand over the cool black surface and sat up walking over to her desk to sit down.

Taking a breath she opened the book to the first page and began to read. His words still ranging in her ears. _**'I trust you enough to handle it with care and keep it safe.'**_ And with that she turned to the first page.

~~~~HGSS~~~~Severus's Journal~~

**Jan 9, 1971**

**I awoke today to the usually sounds of things being broken or the drunken slurs of my father. To the desperate cries of my mother screaming in pain. **

**I am powerless to do anything as I walked into the kitchen and attack my father. Only to be beaten half to death as blood gushed from my nose and mouth. I can still see his bleary sneering face even now. As he spat upon me in all his filthiness. My mother deservers better.**

**My mother tended to my wounds up stairs. I knew things were alright when I saw the small flicker of hope in her eyes. The tiny small she would give me when I was 'punished' for unjust things just to tell me she knew what he did was wrong. To let me know it would be alright. The loving touch of a caring mother as she patched me up.**

**But as I sat there; there was no flicker of hope, no small smile not even the touch was the same. I knew then that my mother, the mother I once knew was no longer there anymore.**

**I was alone.**

**Later today I found mother dead in the master bathroom. **

**I had gone in search of her after my father left. Calling out her name as I walked through the house. When I found her. I cried. She had slit her wrist, there was blood everywhere. I lost what little food I had eaten that morning.**

**I hid when my father returned. Muggle authorities had came and went along with my father. Soon it was just me. Alone. **

**I couldn't help but be angry at her. She had left me, after she said she would never leave me she left. I believed such a lie, I believed in it so much it blinded me. **

**The light in my darkness faded the moment I saw her laying in her own blood. She told me you should stay strong. But where was her strength? How could she leave me here? With 'him'? How dare she love me, teach me to be strong, and then leave me?**

**But all I can do know is lay here in the darkness of my room. Looking at the last words she wrote to me.**

"_**I saw this journal and thought of you Severus. Hope you find a good use for it. I love you. **_

_**Love, mum.**_

_**P.S. Happy Eleventh Birthday Severus."**_

~~~HGSS~~~Severus's Journal~~end

Tears were cascading down Hermione's face as she finished reading the first entry. She highly doubted that anyone as every seen this book, not even Dumbledore. _'He must really trust me.'_ she thought sadly. _'And I cant even spare him a thought.'_ However she knew that you had to earn trust for it to be given. Maybe he really was trying to help her.

Walking back to her bed she placed the book back on the night stand. Running her fingers over the cool surface once more. Hermione at that moment had never felt more torn in her life. It was like she was at an all out war with herself. And neither side was winning, it only severed to make her thoughts jumbled and a mess. Rolling over she stared at the ceiling willing the inter turmoil away for the time being. Her thoughts went back to the book, the first page alone was one of huge personal matters and she did not wish to press. Even if Severus had told her to read it, it would only serve to make her feel as if he violated his pricy.

When she thought about it she felt a sense of understandment. Although the situation was different the out come of the cause had the same effect. Her mind still whirled at the trust he allowed her to give her such powerful and personal memories. To allow her to see that he in fact had been weak and humiliated to the lowest of points in his life. However she would read no more.

She wanted him to at lest have some secrets to himself just as she would wish to have to herself. _'I will turn it back into him Monday and that's final. Maybe even talk to him…'_ With that thought set firmly in mind she drifted off into a uneasy sleep, full of dreadful memories and nightmares. Hoping that some one would come and save her.

~~~HGSS~~~~

Hermione awoke Sunday morning with the sun's rays just barely peaking up over the mountains. Untangling herself from the sheets she walked over to the window and sat down watching as the sun rose up. _'I have some serious thinking to do.'_ giving a tiresome sigh she leaned against the window and closed her eyes.

Severus walked in the Great Hall pleased to find that he was the only present. Walking to his favorite seat, he sat down and watched as a cup of earl grey tea appeared with a plate of eggs and toast with a side of bacon.

He couldn't help himself as his thought traveled back to one special Gryffindor._ 'Special?'_ he thought a little bewildered. He couldn't help but worry bout her, the accident yesterday still had him on edge. He hoped that she would come to him, he didn't want to see another student on the path of destruction.

No, he seen to much of that during the war. Vanishing the empty plate he refilled his cup. It was then that he noticed a certain Gryffindor had walked in. He watched as she walked to the edge of the table and sat down seemly distracted. A small plate of food appeared before but she didn't seem to notice.

Unable to resist he scanned her thoughts being careful not to alert her to his presence. Her thoughts were a jumble mess as thoughts flew this way and that. However what caught him off guard was that they were all about him. She seemed to be unable to make up her mind to trust him.

Afraid of rejection, betrayal, and judgment. Pulling out of her mind Severus watched as a shaking hand reached out and grabbed her cup. He watched as she took a sip and nibbled a piece of bread before getting up to leave. _'That cant be all that she is eating. She's going to pass out before the day is even through.' _Standing her quickly made his way after her.

Hermione was in deep thought as she made her way out of the Great Hall. Her not fully healed, food and sleep deprived body felt as if it was stuck in quick sand but she forced herself on auto-pilot. Her mind whirling with thoughts so fast it made her dizzy.

Grabbing the wall she stood still as she gathered herself. "And that Miss Granger is why you should eat more the three bites of toast and a sip of tea." came a deep familiar drawl. Startled Hermione spun a round quickly, too quickly as her world spun once again.

Suddenly it seemed as if the ground had shot up towards her before strong, yet warm arms circled her. Slowly she opened her eyes only to peer into a pair of worried black ones. "Are you okay Hermione?" her mind slowly began to decipher the words and the person who asked it. It didn't take long for her to realize she was in the arms of Severus Snape.

Pulling out of his grasp she leaned against the wall. "I'm fine sir, really I am." she spoke softly almost as if in a fog. Her vision seemed slightly blur but as always she forced herself to move on. "Is that all you're eating for breakfast?" he asked softly.

Hermione could do nothing but nod her head. "That is not healthy for you." he admonished slightly. Her eyes narrowed at him slightly. _'Maybe he does care.'_ the traitorous part of her mind thought. "I'm fine really. I'm…just not hungry, sir." came her slightly hesitant response. Steadying herself she made to move past him until his larger hand stopped her once again.

Raising one eyebrow at him she watched as he pulled to veils out of his pocket. Holding up a sparkly blue one. "Take a spoonful of this before you go to sleep. it's a peaceful dream draught slightly modify." he stated as he handed it to her. Holding up a hot pink one next. "Take a spoonful of this too, before you eat. It'll help you get an appetite." once again dropping it in to her hand before giving a nod.

"Good day Miss Granger." and she watched as he left.

~~~HGSS~~~~~~

Dumbledore sat in his office lost in thought. They have as of yet figured out the increased magic in Hermione Granger. Flakes gave a short high pitched note. Dumbledore turned towards the giant bird and watched as it burst into flames only to be born again.

'_Rising from the ash anew.'_ he thought. Walking over to the bird he picked it up. "You're as right as ever. I too believe that Miss. Granger shall rise from the ashes." he said as he stroked the fiery red bird's head. "She must learn to let go in order to be born again."

Returning to his desk he began his search once again.

~~~HGSS~~~

Hermione sat in her room lost in deep thought. Thoughts mixing and turning in her head. Taking a deep breath she fought to think logically and cleared her mind. She had to figure out what she was going to do, she was falling apart and she didn't know if she could be fixed.

She been beaten, raped, and mentally/emotionally abused, to the point of boarder line insanity. She didn't feel like herself any more, half the time she felt as if she was of a third person's view. As if she was watching someone go through the pain. It didn't even feel like her body anymore, like it was to small and tight. She wanted to break free but she couldn't, she just couldn't let go.

'_I feel so helpless. I want to trust him but I-I just cant.'_ She thought. Her mind was torn in two. One side welling to make the change to rid of the extra burden on her shoulders. To forgive and move on to a new life. To know what was like to be free once more and be happy like she was in the past.

However the other side didn't want to forgive. It wanted to be angry, to destroy and rip things apart. To make others hurt as much as she was hurting. Jealous of the worry free lives they were now living, to be happy and laugh. It was this side that scared her the most. It was this side that made want to go and talk to Severus.

Looking down at the two veils in her hand she placed them on her pillow and moved to the window. _'To rise and be born again one must learn to let go.'_ she thought.

~~~HGSS~~~~

Severus sat at the high table at dinner his scanning the Hall for Hermione. He was a bit worried, none of her friends had seen or heard from her since yesterday. And him this morning.

Scanning once more he saw her come in and take a seat at the end of the table by herself. _'Why is she sitting alone?' _he questioned. Looking around he saw Potter with some of the Qudditch team members, and Weasley a few people down staring at Hermione. Severus narrowed his eyes at the boy, he didn't like the way he stared at his Hermione.

He was so caught up in his post anger he didn't even realized he said 'his' Hermione. Letting out a little growl he continued eating missing the slight twinkle in the older man's eyes to his left.

Hermione felt his black eyes on her as soon as she walked in. Taking a seat she looked around the Hall, she found Harry with some of his new friends. While Ron was staring at her openly which made her feel very uncomfortable.

Having taken a spoonful of the pink potion she felt the signs of hunger.

As she ate she let her thoughts wander off. Sooner or later she wanted to tell her friends the truth, however she was only going as far as her mother's death. They need not know of the rest, for there was nothing they could do about it.

Finishing her meal she stood and made her way out. Turning the corner to approach the stairs she heard someone call her names. "Hermione! Hey, Hermione wait!" called the voice. Stopping she turned around.

Ron Weasley stood in front of her gasping for breath. "Hermione I just want to let you know I forgive you." was his opening statement. Hermione was so shock she couldn't be angry at the moment. _'He forgives me when I have done nothing wrong. Of all the pig headed..'_ her thoughts trailed off as he spoke again.

"I understand why your doing this. And I forgive you, so lets go back to being friends." The red head grinned from ear to ear. _'What the hell is he talking about?'_ she thought but decided she didn't care. Not in the mood she brushed past him. "Whatever Ron."

Just as she walked past him, his hand shot out and grabbed her arm hard. "Ow! Ron let me go." she said through gritted teeth. She didn't like this at all, as her body began to shake the cold hand of fear crept through her body.

"No. Because I wasn't done speaking." his grip tighten on her arm.

Fear had her in its death grip, her eyes burned as tears fought to try and make it down her face. 'Ron please don't hurt me please." her words caused the red headed to loosen his grip immediately. "Hurt you? No, no Hermione I don't want to hurt you I just want to be friends again." his words laced with confusion.

Hermione was to far gone to care, she was shaking quite badly now. "Mr. Weasley I suggest you remove your hands now or I will remove them for you." came a deep drawl.

Severus had followed after her when he saw Weasley get up and go after her. Rounding the corner he did not like what he saw. There were sure to be bruises from the grip he had on her arm, that and the fact that she was shaking visibly. The panic that shone in her eyes served only to push him.

"Move your hands from her person now!" He watched as the boy stiffened before relaxing. "I was just talking to her professor." the boy replied as he turned around. "Is that so? Miss Granger are you okay?" he asked. She merely looked at them both before she took off running.

~~~HGSS~~~~

Hermione didn't stop running until she reached her rooms. She was very shaken about what had occurred. Ron had scared her more then she would have liked to admit and she was beginning to feel that electrifying sensation in her body. She had to get to her room quickly.

Slamming the door close and bring up wards she sat in a dark corner of her room. Her eyes already glowing a deem gold, as she shut her eyes tightly against the pain. _'Someone make it stop please.' _her thoughts screamed.

She began to rock as the pressure built up inside, feeling as if she would explode. Taking a deep breath she tried to push it back down but failed as her hands began to burn and the air around her began to crackle in little gold bolts.

Suddenly all her bottled emotions erupted in a low plus of magic, ripping her room to bits. When it was done Hermione laid against the wall in a slump. She felt the tug of unconsciousness pull at her teasing her with the peaceful darkness it would bring. However she knew it was a lie one she fallen for too many times.

Shaking her head she slowly stood and grabbed her wand to fix her destroyed room.

Moving to her bed she laid their for awhile before reaching for the dream drought deciding she would sleep the rest of the day away.

~~~HGSS~~~

Severus watched as she ran away leaving him with the red-headed weasel. Turning towards the boy his face grew thunderous and dark, in a deadly quite voice he spoke careful to try and keep his emotions in check.

"What exactly were you doing to Miss. Granger?" he watched as the boy paled even more. "N-nothing sir I promise all we were doing was talking." the two stared at each other Weasley being the first to back down.

"A month's worth of detention with Flinch starting tomorrow at 8p.m. Do. Not. Be. Late." he told the now sheet white boy. Venom lacing his words hitting their mark with force and power.

"Yes sir." and with that he watched as the boy sulked off. Turning on his heel Severus walked away down to the dungeons. Unaware of the plans fate had in store for him.

**Thank you all for reading. I'm doing my best to update faster, but thank for reviewing it means a lot. I have a plan for the unexplained power of Hermione but not sure how to introduce it yet. If you have any ideas PM me or write in review don't matter to me. Please review and check out my new story Recovery.**

**Big thank you to all who have reviewed and readied. And thank you for those who have helped support me through this rough time.**


	12. Chapter 11

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter eleven: Steps of healing.**

**I apologize for the long wait. With school exams classes its been hard to find time to write. Plus I lost my notebook lol. Hopefully we won't have another long wait. I do not own anything expect the plot. Enjoy.! :p**

Hermione slowly made her way down into the dungeons Monday evening. Pacing her room all day and arguing with herself, she finally decided that maybe she should let go. She was sick and tired of everything. She was at wits end and sooner or later the fine line that she was walking was going to snap. Leaving her completely broken.

Lost in thought she some how managed to get to his door faster then expected. The large wooden door looming over her, as if to swallow her whole. Hermione's breath quickened with fear as she took a step back. _'No I'm going to do this no more running.'_ she thought. Straighten her body she step towards the door again. Raising her hand to knock upon its wooden surface.

**Knock. Knock**

The sound vibrated through the empty hall making it sound louder then it was. Looking around Hermione waited, she was barely able to stand as her legs shook. The book in her now clammy hands was slowly trying to slip from her grip. _' Well maybe he's not here.' _she thought. She didn't know whether to be relieved or disappointed. Turning to head back to her room she heard the door open. "Hermione?"

~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~

Severus sat in his private room sipping a glass of brandy his thoughts wondering to Hermione Granger. She was like him in so many ways yet so different. She stood in a world of darkness beside him, understanding that there was such a place as hell on earth. Taking a deep breath he willed his mind to go blank as he closed his eyes for a bit of rest.

~~~~~~~~~dream~~~~

**Eleven year old Severus sat in the darkness of his room. A small candle as his only companion. It had been four days since his mother's death, however he dare not leave the safety of his room. Suddenly a creak was heard outside his door. Blowing out the candle Severus silently slide off his bed and under it. Footsteps were heard as they stopped in front of his door. **

**He watched as his doorknob turned. Closing his eyes he prayed to whatever god that was listening that he wouldn't be found. Opening his eyes he realized that his door was wide open, but no one was there.**

**Holding his breath he strained his hearing, only to hear the rapid beating of his heart/ Finally coming to the conclusion that no one was there he relaxed. Suddenly he was yanked from underneath the bed to meet the black eyes of his father.**

**~~~~~~~~~~dream ended~~~~~**

Severus shot up gasping for air as he tried to gather himself. Looking at his hands he realized how shaken he really was. Pulling up his white sleeves he walked into the bathroom. Turning on the water he splashed some on his face. The cool water calming him down bit by bit, and slowing his jumpy nerves.

Turning off the water he looked at his reflection in the mirror. He scowled at himself, he hated how he looked. He hated how he was a copy of his father in image. From his pale skin to his damnable black eyes. _'I'm sure those eyes will be watching me burn in hell.'_ he thought bitterly.

Anger welled up in him more as he saw every default that was him. Staring in to his reflections eyes; the ones that held no innocent in their depth only hatred. Suddenly without cause he smashed the mirror with his fist. Cursing himself when he cut his hand.

The anger receding back from where it came from. He hadn't lost control like that since he was a student. Wandlessly he fixed the mirror before healing his hand of the cuts and removed the tiny bits of glass.

**Knock. Knock**

Confused at the sound Severus looked up toward the door that lead to his office and classroom, before a scowl fixed itself across his face. Whoever it was had better had a good story as to why the were interrupting his time of peace.

Stalking out into his classroom he yanked open the door, surprised to see Hermione Granger on the other side. "Hermione?" was all that fell from his lips. He watched as she slowly turned around. "Sir." came her greeting. Stepping out of the door way he opened the door more. "Come in?" he asked trying to at lest be polite.

Slowly she walked in, closing the door he walked pass her. "My office is this way." he said. Bring down the wards he allowed her to enter before him. He watched as she took a seat in front of his desk. Taking his seat on the other side. He waited for her to speak as he watched her stare into the fire, that he had lit in the cold room.

Severus knew that she was testing his patients and trying to gather her courage and strength. He; himself had done the same thing in his younger years. He waited calmly and patiently giving her as much time as she needed.

Hermione waited for him to snap at her to speak but he never did, instead he waited patiently. Removing her gaze from the fire she looked at him. His face was soft almost a caring look to it. Slowly she slide the black book across the desk between them. She watched as he carefully picked it up and held it with care.

"I-I just reed the first entry. I didn't want to invade your privacy." she said quietly. The ice around her melted just a little as she saw the gratitude written across his face. Gathering more courage she spoke again. "I-I know its not Friday. B-but I was just wandering if w-we could..um….if we could talk?" she asked.

Looking at her hands she missed the understandment and the relief that flinted over his face.

"Hermione," her eyes flinted up to his face. "I will not judge you on anything that you say to me. You don't have to be afraid to talk to me. I know I have done things in the past to make you question that. But that was before this is now. If you give me your trust I shall cherish it and never give you reason to take it back." he said softly.

Amber eyes looked on imploringly into black ones. Finding truth in his words she nodded her head before looking down at her hands.

Severus couldn't explain the warm feeling in his chest that she was going to extend a bit of her trust to him. _'Okay Severus don't fuck this up.' _he thought to himself. Clearing his mind he focused on the task at hand. "I'm glad you came to night. I was going to wait until Friday, but since you're here I thought I would give it to you now." he said softly.

Grabbing a book from its hiding spot he came around the desk and sat in the chair beside hers. He extended the book toward her, watching as her hands took it from him.

He watched as her hands ran over the book. It was green with a gold twist down the spine. Tears ran down her face, Severus was mortified. "I'm sorry do you not like it." he asked. _' Way to go not even five minutes in and you made her cry already.'_ mentally kicking himself he barely heard her speak.

"I'm sorry. Its beautiful, how'd you know I like green and gold?" she asked softly. As she wiped her tears. Relief flooded his mind and he answered.

"Just a hunch." he said with a smirk. "Its your journal. You can write anything you want in it, and we will talk about it…that is if you want." he said.

"Thank you Severus, it really means a lot to me." she said. His chest got warm again, he coughed slightly to clear it up. He returned to his desk seat again. "Your welcome Hermione." he said before turning his head else where.

They sat in silence as Severus looked over a the young woman. _'What happened to the chatterbox that use fill the silence with her knowledge?' _he couldn't help but think. However he already knew part of the answer. Clearing his throat he spoke. "Miss- Hermione," he started. "Yes…Severus?" turning her amber eyes on him.

His mouth suddenly went dry as he thought of something to say. "Why didn't you have a book when you were at the library?" he asked. _'Way to go dunderhead. That was the best you could come up with. You sure did pull that from your ass.' _he winced a little inwardly. He watched as she turned her head to the side to once again stare into the fire.

"I no longer read anymore." was her simple answer. He couldn't stop the words if he put his foot in his mouth and swallowed it. "Why have you figured out not ever thing could be found in a book?" He could have slapped himself in the face for that one. _'You fucking idiot.' _Was the only thought he could muster.

Different emotions seem to be waging war with in her mind. Cold indifference against anger or what was it…fear? "Hermione I-" he started only to be stopped by a hand. "Think nothing of it. If I'm to be here I must at lest share as to not waste your valuable time." she uttered. Cold indifference had indeed won however the small glimmer of fear was there but why.

Sitting stiff as he realized his own words were throw back in his face he sat waiting for her to began.

Hermione had not meant to be so harsh in her choice of words. But his comment had stung even though she knew he meant no harm. However it would hopefully teach him not to be so callus in the future.

Taking a deep breath she turned her body towards the flame as she begun her story.

~~~~~HGSS~~~~~flashback~~~~~~~

**Hermione sat in a semi dark room, the boarded up windows left only cracks of light in the room. That lit up every time a flash of lighting made its way across the sky. Followed by a clap of thunder seem to make the house shake under its force.**

**However she made the best of her situation as she found a spot where the light from the lamp post shone in her room. The Pride and the Prejudice sat in her hands, it was her favorite book.**

**She loved books, they took her to a fantasy land away from her pain and sorrow. This book in particular was the biggest help in hope to keep her from going insane. Her mom use to read it to her all the time especially nights such as these.**

**A long sigh of yearning left her as she finished the book placing it on the bed. Walking over to the window she peered out the cracks. The wind blew quietly threw the trees that rocked gently despite the weather. A long flash of light soared across the pitch black sky lighting up the world with its presents before it was gone.**

**Pretending she was that flash of light fainting in and out of the sky. To appear and disappear as she pleased. To move across the sky to new places and start again and again.**

**A small smile appeared on her face as she thought of all the places she would visit. She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice the small creaking of the stairs beyond the door. **

_***BANG!***_** Hermione jumped as the door slammed open to reveal her father in all his foul glory. Her eyes moved to the book on the bed and mentally kicked herself for not hiding it again. "Hello princess." he hissed at her. As he came to stand in front of the bed. She prayed to whatever god that was listening that he would not notice the book.**

**No. Such. Luck.**

**He took a seat right on it. She was in fight or flight mode as she watched him slowly pull the book from underneath him. He held the book in his hand as he read the cover. She could have sworn that his face soften just a little as he recognized it. That however soon changed.**

**His face became red with anger and the vein in his neck throbbed. Slowly his dark brown eyes trained on her. If possible his eyes darkened more with fury as they now took on a almost black color. **

**The two stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Before, Hermione bolted for the door, her feet taking her down the hall towards the stairs. It seemed to lengthen with every step she took. She could hear the loud thumps of her father right behind her.**

'_**Just make it pass the stairs, if I can just make it pass the stairs.'**_** the thought repeating itself giving her hope. However just as she finally made it to the stairs she was harshly yanked back by her hair.**

**The action causing her to hit the ground with force, squeezing the air from her lungs as she landed. The world flashed black as the pain caught up with her. She felt herself being dragged down the hallway back to her room. Hermione knew what was going to happen.**

**Using what little strength she had Hermione began to fight back. Clawing, biting, dragging her heels. She fought him all the way till they were in the room. Once in she was picked up and slammed into the wall a hand closing around her throat. "Where are the rest." her father bit out between clenched teeth. Spit flying from his mouth in fury.**

**Hermione stared at her father. Gone was the man of kindness and love stood a angry man of hate. "I will not ask again." he roared. His hand closing a little bit more round her throat making her gasp. "O-onl-ly o-ne." she rasped out. Without meaning to her eyes looked towards the bed. He saw it.**

"**You fucking little liar." he hissed. His grip tighten even more slowly cutting off her air supply. She was beginning to see black spots swarm through her vision. Just when she though she'd pass out he let go. Falling to the ground she wheezed and sputtered for breath.**

**She watched as he walked over to the bed flipping over the covers then the mattress. The books were revealed, his angry gaze shifted to her. Not fully recovered yet Hermione couldn't fight back as she received her punishment.**

~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~flasback ended~~~~~

Severus was pissed, no he was beyond pissed he was absolutely livid. He watched as the young woman in front of him began to sob. Pushing back his anger for a moment he tried to or at lest attempted to soothe her. He slowly placed his hand on her back and rubbed it slowly. He knew there was more and didn't want to push but she had to get this off her chest.

"You don't have to be alone in this Hermione nor do you have to pretend." he said quietly. "No harm will come to you while you are here, don't shut everyone out." his voice was but a soft whisper but he knew she heard him.

Now was time for the hard part. "Hermione I need you to tell me what else he did after that." A slight shake of the head was all he got. "You need to say it." he pressed a little more sternly. "No" was all she said by now she had moved from his grasp. "It needs to be said and you know it." he said a bit more louder as he stared at her.

She then exploded. "WHY SO THAT I KNOW THAT IT REALLY HAPPENED. WELL I ALREADY KNOW THAT IT HAS I HAVE THE SCARS. THE SCARS DAMNIT, TO PROVE WHAT HE DID. WHY MUST I SAY IT ALOUD? TO MAKE IT MORE REAL THEN IT ALREADY IS?" she was breathing hard from the out burst she had. The air crackled with her magic as she paced the room.

'_This is everything she has been holding in its finally coming out.'_ he thought. Knowing he had to step lightly he spoke again. "Hermione please. I only wish to help you, but to do so I need to know." he slowly walked to her. She turned her back to him and took a deep breath. The magic within the room was still growing but at a much slower pace.

When she turned back around her cold mask was up and her eyes had a erie glow to them. In a voice as cold as ice itself she spoke. "He beat me some more and then…and then…" Severus watched as Hermione struggled with her mask. The cold look threaten to fall. After a moment she resumed.

"And then he burned my fingers to teach me a lesson. Made me rub my bloodied hands on his chest while he did…did.." Her eyes clouded at the memory but he knew better then to let her go back. "Hermione!" he snapped at her as he placed his hands upon her shoulders.

"It think its time I go sir." her voice was still cold. He could only nod his head before moving out the way. Just before she walked a way he called for her again. "Don't worry bout coming tomorrow I think we did enough today." With a nod she walked towards the door and grasped the handle. "Severus," turning he faced her. "Thank you I needed this." a small smile appeared on her face at lest he thought so it was long gone before it was fully seen. Severus merely nodded his head before watching her leave out the door.

After hearing the door shut close with a click, he grabbed his book of the desk and continued back to his private chambers. Placing the book on a table he poured his self a glass of brandy. Taking a seat he closed his eyes and leaned back, taking a deep breath and releasing it.

Opening his eyes he stared at the small black on the table. Leaning forward to pick it up he held it close for a moment. Looking over it as if to see if any harm had come to it. All his most precious secrets all trapped inside its cover.

Severus had know that when he had given her the book that not only had she taken a step forward but so had he. Nobody not even Dumbledore knew the terror hidden in its depths. All the anguish, pain, sadness, and pure hatred that had been his life for years.

Hermione's had just started but if he could help it, it would soon come to a end. Before anymore damage could be applied.

In a slight flare of stress Severus flung the shot glass into the fire. Watching as the glass burst into shards and was soon consumed by flames. Leaning back he dragged a hand through his hair before releasing a long slow breath. Closing his eyes once more he tried to enjoy the peace he had for the night.

~~~~HGSS~~~~~

Hermione didn't even make it to her room before the tears fell. Opening a door to an empty classroom, she fell to her knees. Barely able to ward the room before her loud sobs echoed within it.

Hugging her knees she wept into them a strangled cry escaping from her lips into the empty space about her. It took her awhile to realize the sounds were coming from her. She had long got use to crying quietly but it seemed as if every cry was now making it self known.

After awhile she wiped her eyes and pulled herself together before she snuck back to her chambers for the night.

~~~~~HGSS~~~~~

Hermione awoke with a scream drenched in sweat. Looking around her eyes adjusted to the dark room. Realizing she was in no danger she laid back to think. Yesterdays memories had reached the surface of her mind. The thoughts, dreams, memories she had tried so hard to keep away were now fighting back.

Knowing sleep would not come again she rose from the bed a soft clink could be heard as she moved. Looking down she spotted a tube filled with a sparkly blue liquid. It was then that she remembered it was the modified sleeping drought. _"I must have forgotten to take it last night." _her thoughts were a little sluggish.

Placing the bottle back into its hiding spot she sat on the window still. The soft glow of the moon shone upon the grounds the sun rays peaking over the mountains. Leaning her head against the window she let her mind wander. However her thoughts leaned more towards the Severus Snape type.

In away she felt incredible foolish to let any of this get to her the way it was. She only dealt with it for the two long months of the summer. Where as he had dealt with it his whole life.

But even as she whined about it he was still going through the stages of gaining her trust and being her friend. Even going as far as apologizing, and Severus Snape did not apologize even when the situation called for it.

She still couldn't help but wander at his childhood though. Did it mean he never rode a bike? Did they ever celebrate Christmas? Those questions bounced around her head as unwanted tears appeared in her eyes.

She thought about her mom and dad; about how much fun they had together before it all went to hell. Wiping her eyes Hermione willed the pain and thoughts away. Slipping into her mask she began to dress for the day ahead.

**Well there you are another chapter ready for the review. It seems things are starting to pick up. Trust being build. Questions bouncing around waiting to be answered but will they? Mmmwhhahahahaha. :p Plz review and hopfully it wont be along period of time before I upload again. Thank you!**


	13. Chapter 12

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter twelve: Dark Dreams and Memories Part 1**

**Woohhooo guess who's back! I actually had the this chapter finished long ago but never had time to type it. Now this chapter is a bit more graphic so readers beware. And I apologize to those who have been waiting. And a thank to all who have R&R its what keeps me writing. OH and a special thanks to Arabella Fargrove. If I wouldn't have looked at her review this would have been another week. Instead stayed up till two in the morning. So enjoy :P**

Hermione watched as the burning logs in the fireplace crackled and popped with life as the flames inched over them. The silence in the Gryffindor common room was music to her ears. What few students were up prepared to go up to the dorms for the night. She watch the flames slowly suffocate themselves casting about dancing shadows.

As the last student left she let the mask drop for a moment. Stress and worry lines marred her features. Her eyes were sunken with a semi-dark ring around them. Her body was cold and still a bit achy but she managed to suppress the pain. After all her body was but a vessel it was use to the pain by now. She watched as the last sparks of the fire blow out. The chill of the room seeping into her worn body.

'_Darkness at last.'_

Unknown to her a pair of worried emerald eyes watched her from a distance. Finally working up the nerve he stepped forward from the staircase, igniting the fire once more. "Hey" he whispered to the shocked girl. "H-harry, what are you doing up? Its pass curfew." Harry watched as the a fake smile crept slowly upon her face as though it didn't belong there. _'Something's not right.' _he thought to himself. He watched her for awhile before answering.

"I could ask you the same." Emerald eyes meet amber ones. "I was just relaxing before I go do my rounds. I think I'll do them now." Hermione stood to leave but Harry was not ready to let her go yet. "Sit Mione…we need to talk." He watched as she slowly sat down not once looking in his direction. "What's been going on with you lately?" he asked.

The question startled her as did the intense gaze of his eyes when she looked into them. "What do you mean?" she asked sweetly. "Don't play coy Hermione it doesn't suite you. I known you long enough and well enough to know when something isn't right with you. Now I ask you, what's wrong?" She heard the small bite in his tone her eyes narrowed at him. She could see the surprise in his eyes as her demeanor changed.

She felt her anger rise just a bit. He didn't know her he probably did before but defiantly not now. How dare he say he knew when something was wrong with her. He didn't know what was wrong with her, he knew nothing. He didn't know what she had been through. And now here he was trying to make her tell him. Who the hell did he think he was?

She felt her magic swirl around the room. She warded the area they were in. Her voice cold as ice as she spoke. "Who are you to tell me how I should act or try to make me tell you. Its not like you cared anyways. I been like this since I came back to school and that was two months ago. Two months Harry. And now you finally notice?" She was now pacing back in forth in front of the fireplace.

"Hermione I-" he was soon cut off. "NO! No. I been hurting. HURTING, Harry. And neither you nor Ron have noticed, nobody has as a matter of fact. Except for one person, he saw the pain and sorrow that I been going through." she was glad she had place the silencing charm around them as her voice had rose. "Hermione I didn't know." He started.

"No you just didn't want to know you didn't want to understand. No your life was finally perfect you didn't want my troubles to brother you. I never excepted Ron to understand or notice. But you. You, I thought would have noticed, helped me but instead I was forgotten. By everyone around me. I'm alone and always will be." her arms waved around her as she continued her tirade.

Harry stood and walked towards his friend. "I'll help you Hermione but you got to help me understand first. I promise to help you." he spoke softly to her. A forced laugh left her lips startling him. "Don't make promises you don't plan to keep. Besides you had your chance…" He watched as tears fell down her face as she backed up against the wall. Stepping closer he whispered her name. "Hermione?"

Hermione watched him closely as he stepped forward again. "Hermione please let me help, you can trust me." There it was 'trust' everyone threw it around so easily her eyes narrowed at him once more. She noticed the hurt in his eyes but stood up straight once more. She wiped her face only for more tears to pour down. No, no I don't trust you. I don't trust anyone anymore. There's only one person I trust, _HE_ noticed, _HE _cared, _HE_ helped." and with that Hermione ran out the common room.

Harry took a deep breath as he sat down on the couch. His head in his hand rethinking over everything that was said. _'Was I that careless and self-centered that I ignored my best mate?' _A resounding yes echoed through his mind as he sat staring at the fire. He felt like the worse person in the world right then. "I have to make this up to her." he said aloud. Closing his eyes he released a deep sigh before getting up to go to bed. Not that he would sleep much.

~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus sat hunched over a pile of essays in his classroom. Slashing and marking all over a poor student's paper. All the while murmuring how much of a dunderhead his students were. "You would think they knew the difference between a newt's eye and a frog's eye." grumbled almost angrily. Leaning back in his seat he began to stretch before he continued marking.

A long sigh escaping him as he scratched another 'T' at the top of the paper. Placing the paper of to the side with the rest, he pulled out another essay. '_Hermione Granger_' written neatly on the top right corner of the parchment. Leaning back he folded his arms across his chest, debating on if he should read it now or come back to it later.

His mind had been on her for awhile now even though he saw her two days ago on Friday night. Sure he saw her in class but it wasn't the same. She sat in the back of the room instead of the front, no longer raising her hand. When he called on her she would barely answer the question or just look at him and utter 'I don't know sir.' He just didn't know what to do with her anymore.

Standing up he walked around to the front of his desk and leaned upon his long legs stretched in front of him. Picking up the parchment from behind him he debated on if he should even waste his time reading it or just give it a grade. Laying the paper back on his desk he placed his head in his hands. Closing his eyes he tired to ward off the approaching headache, growling softly he turned towards his shelf.

Suddenly his classroom door burst open, the heavy wooden door smacking the wall with a resound _Bam!_

Spinning back around-wand in hand, he barely saw the intruder till they nearly knocked him over. Preparing to assign a year worth of detention followed by glare worthy of scaring a troll. He looked down only to find a mass of curly hair that he associated as Hermione's.

"Hermione?" he asked "If you wouldn't mind explaining why you came barging in without some much as knocking?" his voice was soft not intending to scare or harm her anymore then she already was. All he got was a harsh sob for his efforts. Trying nicely to pry her from his person, he then realized she wasn't going to budge instead she only tighten her grip.

"Hermione, please tell me what happened." he was trying hard not to snap at her. But he didn't know how to deal with crying women. If it was anyone else he would tell them to stop all that foolish crying and grow up. Before turning on his heel and walk away.

After a moment her voice startled him out of his thoughts.

"I-I was in th-the common room with H-harry-" she began. _'oh course that brat had something to do with it.'_ "he was asking me, no more like demanding answers from me. He had no right. No. Right." Severus watched as she let go of him and began to pace back and forth. The tears were now replaced by anger.

"I couldn't deal with it. I didn't want to deal with it. How I'm I suppose to tell him?" her eyes glowed. He could feel the air crackle with her magic as her emotion ran high. "Hey Harry my mom d-died and my father…he…he rapes me. Yeah that'll go along well. Don't you think Severus?" Severus watched her closely but she continued as if nothing was said.

Jars were whizzing through the air smash and breaking. The pressure in the room increased as his hair was whipped around by some unknown wind. Hermione seem to be the only one unaffected by her magic. The papers on his desk were whirled off in the room. Ink pots bursting on spot, but Hermione continued to speak as if nothing was happening.

"He'll be disgusted… just like I am." A glass jar whizzed by his ear smashing it the wall. He just barely had time to duck as his desk flew into the air breaking into splinters as it hit the blackboard. "He'll hate me… just like I hate myself." Severus saw it happen slowly as if it all was just a dream. Hermione grabbed a shard of glass off the floor.

"He'll want me dead… just like I do."

Everything stopped as Hermione plugged the glass deep into her chest. Papers, stools, jars, everything fell out of the air as a large blood stain spread across her chest. Moving fast Severus caught her before she could fall. Summoning blood relishes and dittany. He pulled out the shard, working fast ran a diagnostic spell over her.

"I don't want to remember…or answer questions." Blood trickled from her lips as she continued. "I just want to forget…please…just let me forget." He wiped the blood off her lips and continued to read the spell. _'Damnit she punctured a lung.'_ he thought.

"I..don't..want to..remember." she began. "Then forget Hermione, forget it all. Every pain and sorrow he gave to you. Because if I have anything to do with it you will never have to remember." he felt her relax at his words easing the pressure of her lungs. Summoning his patronus he gave it orders to get Poppy and Dumbledore at once. With a nod the white fox bounded through the walls.

Once he had her stabilized enough he lifted her head in his lap and stroked her hair. He was to scared to move her, wiping his hand down his face he felt something wet. "Yo-your crying. Why?" Looking down he watched as she struggled for breath. _'Thank Merlin for magic'_

"Quite Hermione." Wiping his face he kept quite and to his self. He didn't know the answer himself. _'You like her, you're falling for her.'_ his traitorous brain thought. "No its only because she almost died on my watch." he whispered quietly. Leaning back he continued to stroke Hermione's hair as he waited for what felt like hours before Poppy and the Headmaster came busting through the door. Letting his mind wander. He was curious about what Potter could have said to cause such a strong reaction. However his door was so slammed open…again.

"Oh my!" whispered Poppy as she took in the trashed room. Ink and potions leaked down the walls mixing and blending with other things. "Poppy, Hermi- Miss Granger. She needs immediate attention. She's punctured her right lung." Severus didn't know what to do as he watch Poppy check her over hearing her mutter 'oh my' and 'good heavens'. He wanted to help every fiber in his being called to her. Yet he knew she'd be better off if he stayed away and let the matron work.

"Severus?" Turning he walked over to the Headmaster who was taking in the sight of the room. "Albus." inclining his head slightly. "What ecatly happened here?" With a wave of his hand everything was restored. "Thank you. As for what happened this is a story that will have to wait. It also involves that golden brat you call Harry Potter." explained Severus.

Potter's name spewing from his lips like venom.

"Ahh so I take it that young Harry was the leading cause to these events?" asked Dumbledore. Severus resisted the urge to roll his eyes at the old man. _'Is that not what I just said?' _he thought to himself. Instead he settled for nodding his head he turned his attention back towards Hermione. Her skin was ghostly pale. _'She almost looks dead.'_ he couldn't help but think.

"She is stable for now but we must get her to the hospital wing if she is to survive the night let alone the next hour." the shaky voice of the matron finally hitting his ears. His heart sped up 'if she is to survive the night…next hour..' the word repeated themselves in his head like a death sentence.

"What do you mean? Magic and potions has always manged to fix things like this before." he said. "Yes, however, this is a suicidal wound there for it can not heal as fast nor as well as a regular wound. Certain measures have to be taken on how to deal with this." she explained.

A old hand fell softly on his shoulder. "Meet us in the hospital wing. Then get some rest, we have a meeting with Mr. Potter in the morning." Nodding his head, he watched as Dumbledore and Poppy along with Hermione disappeared with a small pop. Leaning against his wall he slowly slide down it.

Leaning his head back he tried to reign in his emotions. If Dumbledore or Poppy saw his dried tears but chose not to comment he was grateful. Cleaning his face of any evident he pulled his mask on and stood steadily to his feet. He had to be strong he had to be there for her. Stalking to his door he yanked it open and continued his long trek up to the Hospital Wing.

~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"There we are." replied the matron happily as she fixed the blankets around Hermione. Severus stood pacing on the left side of the bed watching. He was on pins and needles. There had been a couple of close calls as Poppy worked hard to fix the gash on Hermione's right long. "She will need to be here for about a week. Even then after she's out she still needs to be careful for it will take about four months for the cut to be healed.

"How long will she be sleep?" asked Severus as he sat down in the chair near the bed. "About three days. However…" the matron trailed off. "What is it Poppy?" asked Dumbledore. "To be honest these three days will be the hardest for her. She will no doubt have nightmares she may even relive memories but in these three days she will not be able to wake." She said sadly.

Severus slowly closed his eyes. "Okay." he mumbled. With a nod the matron walked away closing the curtains. Severus turned to Dumbledore who merely raised his hands in defeat. "You may stay Severus but make sure you a least get a decent amount of rest." Nodding his head he watched as the elderly man walked away with a slight goodnight to Hermione. Pulling out his pocket watch he checked the time '12:05' glared at him. Leaning back with a sigh he closed his eyes and prepared for sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~Hermione's dream night one~~~Warning: Graphic~~~~

**Hermione opened her eyes only to meet darkness. Her body ached with even the tiniest movement. Other then that she seemed unharmed but she had a feeling that something wasn't right. For one she never slept on her stomach. Moving to roll over on her back she found that chains held her tightly in place. **

**Panicking slightly she began to move more roughly. A deep chuckle rumble through the air. **

**She froze.**

"**Don't tried to struggle princess it'll all be over soon. Just don't make daddy mad now." her eyes had adjusted to the darkness now. She could see her father's figure as she stood by the window. The lamp light from the street casting shadows over his face.**

"**Daddy….what's going on?" she asked he voice shaking slightly. She was now becoming truly afraid. Suddenly a loud crack was heard. Followed by a sharp pain on the back of her legs. "I didn't give you permission to speak!" his voice was cold and held anger in it.**

**Trying not to cry she watch as he cut on her desk lamp. Light flooded the room. "You know why you are here Princess lets not pretend you don't." Hermione opened her mouth to respond but thought better of it. Grateful that he hadn't notice. "You are here because you been whoring about. Right?" **

**Hermione didn't know if she was to answer or to stay quite but he got his point across. Grabbing a fist full of her hair he yanking hard. "Right? You been selling yourself like the common bitch you are?" He yelled in her face the smell of alcohol was heavy on his breath. Tears gathered in her eyes as the pain increased. "N-no I..I havn't. I-I sw-swear." her words coming out in sobs.**

"**Don't lie to me bitch." this statement was said more calmly as if he didn't care. Releasing her hair he paced in front of the bed mumbling to himself. Stopping he turned to her a crooked smile on his face. A hand came up and wiped the tears from her face softly. "It'll be over soon princess, but you must be punished. I shall mark you as the bitch you are." and with that he flicked open a switch blade.**

**It was then that Hermione truly started to fight. "NO! NO PLEASE NO!" she yelled hoping someone would hear her. "Shhh it's okay I forgive you." he said almost to his self. Taking a piece of tape and putting it over her mouth. He then walked out of her view, she tried to follow him with her eyes but he was to far out of range then it hit her.**

**The pain was unforgivable.**

**A hot line of pain dug deep into her flesh as her life essence bleed from her body. **_**'HELP!'**_** her mind screamed knowing that no body would help her.**

**That hurt the most. **

**Knowing that she was in pain she was hurting in the most painful way and no one knew and no one would be coming to help. The pain was to much for her to handle but the darkness of peace did not wash over her. Instead she stayed awake as flesh was stripped from her back. She recognized the first letter as a 'B'.**

'_**No…no.'**_** she thought. She knew instantly what he was doing. But her body was to weak to even move the pain immobilizing her. She could only lay there and take it. Red liquid poured from her back onto the white sheets. She watched as it spread like a virus. Infecting the white fabric with its dark stain.**

**She was beginning to feel light headed and hoped that she soon would either pass out or if it came to worse…died. "Done." came his almost child like glee. "However we can't have you bleeding to death now can we." A few clicks were heard behind her. Then a whole new pain began. The smell of burning flesh sent her retching on the sheets and floor. **

**Then there was darkness.**

**Sweet sweet darkness.**

**Hermione didn't know how long she was out but it didn't seem to last long. She woke up with a scream of excoriating pain. She was now on her back with her father plowing into her his cock slick with her blood. "Now the fun begins." his eyes glared at her with the utmost hate. The rough fabric of the sheets rubbed her raw back painfully. Pealing at the still oozing wound. She yelled out in pain. Flipping her over he pulled her up by the hair. Positioning himself at her other opening. **

**Eyes wide she suddenly knew what he was about to do. With her body free she willed her body to run only for it to half way respond. With speed but little strength she mange to hit the floor only for her body to give out on her. "You little bitch." he yelled. Grabbing her by the hair once more she tried to escape. **

**Her body felt like it was on fire but this felt different like something was trying to escape. Relaxing she closed her eyes and released it. A bright golden light flashed behind her eyes. **

**She was uncurious before she even hit the ground again.**

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS Dream ended~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus was awoken by a slight grunt, sitting up he looked around the room his eyes coming to rest lightly on Hermione. The pain was evident on her face her hands twitched slightly but the was all. Moving closer he studied her more. She grunt once more this time blood seep from her lips alarmed he called Poppy.

The matron walked hurriedly to the room wiping the blood from her lip she scanned over her vitals. The colors flashing quickly and slight frown marred her looks. "What is it Poppy?" he asked. Almost as if she forgot he was there she looked at him wide eyed for a moment. Shaking her head she headed out the room and back with a few potion bottles. Quickly pouring them down the girls throat before taking a seat next to him.

"This is worse then I feared Severus. If she continues like this we may have to send her to St. Mungo's." Suddenly a loud cough was heard, turning their attention towards Hermione they found blood staining her bed sheets and mouth. Shaking her head once more Severus watched as she walked out the room. Leaning forward he moved a lock of hair behind her ear. He felt her body tense before a bright glow emitted itself from her body only to disappear after a few seconds. Eyes wide Severus could only sit and stare out into the dark where the glowing light once sat.

Poppy soon came bustling back with a wet cloth and towels. Wiping the girls mouth she check to make sure things were in order before going back to her office. Sitting back he made himself comfortable enough to try and get a decent amount of rest before confronting Potter in the morning.

'_Potter.' _He thought bitterly. _He_ was the reason she was even here right now. Yapping his mouth off, demanding to know things that none of his business. Better yet not knowing anything was wrong with his supposed 'friend' in the first place. Growling silently to himself he closed his eyes and hoped to Merlin that he wouldn't end up straggling that little brat tomorrow.

**Well well….that was intense. Sorry about that been under a lot of anguish but there is still more to come. This chapter was so big I had to put it into three parts. This is not how I had wrote it. But the plot bunnies that I thought were gone came back. Thanks to all who Read AND Review. Have a great day. :]**


	14. Chapter 13

**My Dark Secret **

**Chapter thirteen: Dark Dreams and Memories Part 2**

**Hello all! Guess who's back early. Hopefully ill keep posting regularly. I don't own Harry Potter…blah blah blah….stuff stuff stuff…I like grapes….andddd JKR owns. And thanks to all who R&R McNasty out. Enjoy! P.S Kinda short but not to much. **

The sun's rays woke Severus up earlier that morning as they shone brightly across his face. Slowly waking up he winced at how cramp he was, it was then that he remembered where he was. He had decided to sleep in the hospital wing last night instead of leaving like he was told to do.

Now he wish he would have done so. Looking over at the bed where Hermione laid he watched as the sunlight creep up the bed and shone across her body. "Severus!" Startled he turned to see Poppy coming out of her office carrying potion bottles and rags. He just barely manage to keep from rolling his eyes as the matron began to lecture him.

"Now I know you may think your young but honestly sleeping in that chair. You'll be lucky if you don't feel like a hippogriff's stomping toy when you go to stand. No out." she began to shoo him away. Standing he winced inwardly she was right. His back ached something terrible but he'd been through worse.

Nodding to her Severus sat out to the dungeons, his long strides guiding him on where to go as he mentally checked his to do list today.

1. Shower

2. meeting with The-Boy-Who-Might-Die-Today

3. Scare the dunderheads

4. Take at lest 100 points from Gryffindor

'_That should be easy. I might finish it all before lunch today.' _he thought to himself. Although with Dumbledore there was no telling what extra task the old fool might have him do. _'You'd think after I almost died he would see me more then a foolish errand boy.'_ Coming to his door he uttered his password. 'vitae essentia' walking in he stood in the middle of the room before heading towards the shower.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry sat at breakfast feeling rather confused and guilty. He had been staring at the double doors for nearly thirty minutes now and Hermione was no where to be seen. He even sat in his old spot to wait for her so he could apologize.

He felt like a complete arse for what he said to her last night and for how he had treated her these last two months. She was right he didn't seem to care. He was so glad and happy to be free of holding the whole world on his shoulders that he forgot about his two best mates. Fighting with one and ignoring the other.

No this wasn't right they were the bloody golden trio they survived Death Eater, unforgivables, and a mad man to boot. He was not going to continue to let his friendships crumble. As of today he was going to pick up the pieces. Looking around he saw Snape enter the man practically drilled a hole in his head with his glare as he stared Harry down.

'_Someone woke up in a great mood.'_ he though sarcastically to himself. _'I wonder what I did in the span of two seconds.'_ Turning away he saw the red hair of his mate Ron Weasley. _'I guess I might as well start with him.' _With a silently sigh he prepared himself for the argument that was to come.

"What do you want?" came the harsh voice of Ron. "I just want to say I'm so-." he began before he was cut off. "Mister Potter come with me." the deep tones of the potion master cut through him. _'Fuck…my life.'_ he thought but stood anyway. "We'll talk later Ron." he said . "Whatever." was all he got from the red head. "Come along Potter I haven't all day." Snape's voice like the crack of a whip.

He followed the potions master down the hallway after awhile he figured they were going to the Headmaster's office. A look of puzzlement washed over his face as he tried to figure out why he was going there. AND why Snape would be there. _'At lest I'll figure out why he's glaring holes into my skull.'_ He thought while rolling his eyes. Several students cast him mournful looks before fear replaced them and the rushed off. Gryffindor especially.

So busy looking around he almost ran into the Potion Master as they came to an erupt stop in front of a stone gargoyle. 'Cherry Pops' was all Snape said as the gargoyle leap aside. Climbing the stairs to the top, Snape placed a sharp knock on the door before it was open. "Ah Severus, Harry , I been waiting. Please sit." came the cheery voice of Albus Dumbledore.

"I rather not." was uttered by Snape before he stood with his back against the wall by a window. _'Cranky much.'_ thought Harry as he sat in a plush chair. "Lemon Drop." "With all due respect sir can we please just get to the reason why I'm here and why Sna- I mean Professor Snape is glaring holes through my head." asked Harry calmly. He been here enough times and was done with pleasantries for now.

Suddenly the soft twinkle that was once in the cheery old man's eyes disappeared. A long piercing stare was delivered to Harry that almost made him what to squirm in his seat. "How are things between you and Miss. Granger, Harry?" he was suddenly asked. Baffled he muttered out a slow answer with a shrug of his shoulders.

"…Okay I guess. Why?"

A scoff was heard in the direction of the Potion Master but he ignored it for now his focus was on the Headmaster. Dumbledore leaned forward. "Miss. Granger is in the Hospital Wing." Harry shot of his chair. "What! When did this happen! How come nobody tell me!" he asked. Questions fire out of his month left and right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus eyes narrowed at the boy as he asked questions finally growing tired of it all he snap. "Calm yourself you foolish boy. Your being told now so Shut the bloody hell up and listen for once you arrogant-" "Thank you Severus that will be all." His eyes locked with icy blue ones before he growled quietly to himself.

"Yes Miss. Granger is in the Hospital Wing resting as we speak. She seems to have had a fainting spell yesterday afternoon." explain Dumbledore. "I'll let Professor Snape explain more since he was there when it happened." a slight twinkle appeared in the old man's eyes one more. _'Infuriating old coot.'_ he thought darkly.

Eyes narrowed he explained in a cold clipped tone. "I found Miss. Granger running through the halls crying last night. When I stopped her she uttered your name and other useless things. Before she worked herself up to a point to where she fainted." he finished in a somewhat bored tone.

The boy looked down at his hands in shame before turning back to the Albus. "Harry what happened?" Severus crossed his arms over his chest as he listened to the boy explain.

"We were sitting in the common room last night just as everyone filed out to go to bed. Well she said she was going to do rounds. But…I made her stay. But I didn't like touch her or anything…just you know told her to stay. Um so we talked I asked her what was going on. But she wouldn't say she just said nothing she was fine." by then Severus hands were balled up tight. He thought about hitting the boy.

Especially when he said he made her stay. "I basically said that was a load of rubbish and that I'm her friend I know when something wrong. She…blow up on me. Saying I didn't know anything she trusted me but now she doesn't it was all confusing and she was crying. Then…she just left."

Severus closed his eyes to keep his temper and remain quite as he let Albus handle the situation. The old man sighed before placing his glasses on the desk. "Harry I'm sorry to inform you that Miss. Granger's mother died during Christmas in a unfortunate car crash of some sort." He watched as the boy's face paled.

"I…I had no idea." the boy stood from his chair. "Can I go see her now?" Finally tired of being silent he spoke up. "No you can not like we said in the beginning she is resting she shall be awake in two days time and be let out in four." with a slight nod the boy headed towards the door.

"By the way mister Potter." the boy stopped short but he could tell he just wanted to walk out. However he knew that would only cause more problems. His lips twisted into a smirk as he uttered his next words with satisfaction.

"One hundred points from Gryffindor."

'_That completes everything on my to do list.'_ he thought as he watch the boy walk out the door muttering about him being a git. As the door closed he turned his attention towards the Headmaster. "That was easier then I expected." Severus just looked at him before shrugging his shoulders wincing slightly at the dull ache.

Albus eyes narrowed at him. _'Ah just perfect another lecture.'_ he thought. However he was surprised when all he got was a sigh. "Go get some rest Severus." Walking to the door he spoke in a sarcastic tone. "What no task for your errand boy?" his eyebrow raised as he laid the challenge down.

All he got was a chuckle. "Good day Severus and please do see how Miss. Granger is doing later on." with a quite growl he walked out the door as the old man chuckles quite it down.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus stood in the infirmary once again. Staring at the full moon as its ghostly light cast playful shadows about. Walking over to the bed he once more removed the curls out of Hermione's face as he studied her features.

She seemed so fragile in the moon light, like a porcelain doll. Walking over to his chair he sat down. After about a hour of dozing off he finally got up and transfigured the chair into a cot, not wanting a repeat of the morning. He soon began to nod off again, falling in to the arms of darkness as today's events caught up to him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~Severus dream~~~~~~~~~~~~

**Severus awoke in a dark room it smelled strongly of blood and vomit. **_**'Where the fuck am I?' **_**He thought to himself. Walking towards a boarded up window he peered outside hoping to recognize the street or area. All he saw was a deserted road and a single lamplight. Frowning slightly he turned back to the dark room.**

**Reaching for his wand he found it gone. Slightly panicking he search his cuffs and all hidden and unhidden pockets. Leaving him standing in a unknown room unarmed and exposed. The wheels in his head turning as he figured out what to do. Moving once again he heard a quite groan. Stopping he listen for another sound or movement. **

**Nothing.**

**Moving silently across the room he felt around in the darkness all his senses on edge. Using his skills as ex spy to remember the layout of the room as he walked and searched blindly. His hand soon landed on a solid, flat surface. It felt like a dresser or a desk of sorts. Searching blindly he began to look for anything to give him a clue to where he was at. A rectangle like object hit his hand; a glass cover and velvet back to it. A picture frame.**

**Moving back to the window he tried to figure out who are what it was a picture of. A slither of light hit the glass showing the three faces of what once been a happy family. **_**'The Granger's!'**_** He nearly dropped the photo. Anger shot through his body as his blood boiled in his veins.**

**Suddenly a door slammed open, light flooded the room. It was nearly blinding. Shielding his eyes he got a good look of the room. The light brown walls were complimented by the cheer wood frame of a twin bed set. Two dressers and a desk stood off to the side as did a closet and bathroom door, blood and vomit littered the floor. The sight turning his stomach at the amounts. The man from the photo he assumed as the monster John Granger stalked right by him without so much as a glance.**

**He reeked of old booze, musk, and sweat.**

**Finally taking a minute to look at himself he was shocked to see that he was no more then a shadowy figure. Made up of grey and black smoke. **_**'Oh how fitting.'**_** he thought. Before his attention turned towards the man who now stood in front of the closet.**

**His glare burning into the wood like lasers. "You have tell the count of three to come out bitch or I will drag you out." his voiced cold and dangerous. Severus's face darkened at the words. His only guess was that Hermione had hidden herself in the closet.**

"**One…Two…" the man didn't get to three before he yanked open the door. Met with screams he dragged a naked, bruised and blood covered Hermione out the closet. Her blood staining the carpet as she slide. "Get up bitch." When she didn't comply he drug her up by her hair. Severus could have sworn he busted a blood vessel when he saw the girl's torn back. **

**Blood and pus oozed thickly from the cuts and burns as more cuts crossed over it. Her screams brought his attention back to her. Her father covered her mouth with tape as he moved her towards the bed pinning her under his weight. Severus knew what was going to happen he seen it all before, and he be twice damned if it would happened again.**

**His father having done the same to his mother. And right then he felt like he was ten watching as his father raped his mother, tell him this was what it took to be a man. Running towards the man he swung his fist only for it to go through the man's head. **

**Swinging again he got the same results. Then there was the sound of a zipper. Hermione and Severus both froze before she began to struggle again. Tears running down her face as he watch the monster on top of her rip out the most painful cry from her. **

**Turning around he leaned heavily against the wall as he tried to block all the muffled cries and grunts. Finally the sound of a zipper and a small chuckle emitted from behind him. Turning around again Severus was shaking with rage. This man no this monster had raped his child and then laughed about it. He swung at the man once more as he was walking out the room.**

"**Sleep tight princess I'll see you in the morning." before the door was slammed shut. Walking to the bed he closed his eyes and called upon his magic. Trying to see if he could do wandless magic. **_**'Lumos.'**_** A soft glow emitted from his hand. The light fell over the young witch's body and he gagged at what he saw. Blood was everywhere and there seemed to be more cuts then before.**

**A groan was heard looking at her face he watched her open her eyes. The seem to search his own. Her lips moved, leaning down closer he heard the barely audible words. **

"**Sev…please…h-help."**

~~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~Dream ended~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus sat up sharply before turning to heaving all the contents of his stomach on to the floor. His chest ached with pain and felt like it was on fire. "My word, Severus what has gotten into you?" asked a bewildered Poppy. A heavily stained rag in her hand as she worked at cleaning the blood from Hermione's face.

He could only watch as her face consorted in pain and her hands twitch. Coughing up blood onto the white lien of the bed only to be whipped away by Poppy again. Cleaning up his mess he turned his attention to Poppy. "Nothing just a bad dream." he said. _'That was the biggest wad of shit that every left your mouth.'_ he thought bitterly.

Shaking his head slightly he spoke again. "What's going on with her Poppy?" he asked as he stood and made his way over. "Stress. Whatever she is dreaming is having a bad effect on her outer health." she explained. He nodded his head before a grunt slipped from him. A sharp pain hit his chest, closing his eyes he rubbed the spot tenderly.

"Severus?" "I'm fine." he grunted. Just then a loud groan emitted from Hermione. The sound squeezed his heart as his thoughts flashed back to the dream again. "Hopefully she will be awake tomorrow so she doesn't suffer anymore then she has to. But that's a slim chance." said the matron before looking over Severus once more. "You sure your alright?" she asked, her eyes narrowing a bit.

Nodding his head he told her he was heading out and that he'll be back . He needed to speak with the headmaster now. With the dream and strange chest pains the old coot was bound to know something. _'Wouldn't be the first time he has keep something from me.' _he thought bitterly.

**There you go. There seems to be more questions then answers now. Was the dream real? Why did his chest hurt? Does Dumbledore know anything? Dum Dum Dummmm. Too many questions not enough answers. Maybe the next chapter will explain all. However it depends on how many reviews. Lets try for 160 and then I shall post again. Thanks to all who R&R you are my heroes for motivation.**


	15. Chapter 14

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter fourteen: Dark dreams and Memories Part 3**

**Hello and welcome to all the reviews are pouring in like never before. Having computer problems sorry. I had some people PM me asking me to tell what happened to Hermione's mum. So I thought I would add it here in this chapter. This is mostly from Snape's view. Well enough chit chat lets get to the story like promised. I don't own nothing but the plot and whatnot.**

Severus marched down the halls towards the Headmaster's office. He was going to find out what the bloody hell was going on. The dull ache in his chest was a consent reminder. Stopping in front of the gargoyle he was not surprised to see it step aside without a word from him.

Walking up the steps he open the door. "Ah Severus, my boy I was expecting you. Lemon Drop?" asked Dumbledore. "I'm not here for games Albus. I know you have answers and I want them now." He didn't mean to sound so harsh but he was sick and tired of the games and being left in the dark. Taking a seat in the plush chair in front of the desk he lean forward.

He watch as the old man took off his glasses. "I…have a idea but it all depends on the answer you give me. You must tell me the truth." Severus watched the old man warily but then nodded his head. "How do you feel about Miss. Granger?" Severus froze and he could feel a sarcastic remark on the tip of his tongue.

However he held back. He already said he'll answer the question. Plus he wanted to know what the old coot had in mind. Gathering up his strength he spoke. "I…feel protective of her…even before all this I felt protective. I don't know why but I did. I admire her knowledge and her passion for learning. Her loyalty and courage are a force in themselves. Which I guess plays into her stubbornness." he said as a small smile creep across his face.

It disappeared as soon as it came.

Frowning slightly he turned his attention back to Dumbledore. "Now what's going on?" Dumbledore took a deep breath before releasing it. Preparing himself for the verbal sparing that was to come. "I believe you are Miss. Granger's Guardian. But not just any guardian, a soul guardian." Sitting back Dumbledore waited for it to click.

Severus did not disappoint.

"No no there is no way Albus. You must have your facts wrong." He stood from his seat and began to pace. "I am not Severus and you know it. Remember just before Winky came to get us you had some sort of chest pain. That's how the guardians know when their charge is hurt. And the ability to enter their dreams to comfort them. Even sometimes hearing thoughts."

Severus sat back down and looked him over. _'How did he know I entered her dreams. He doesn't your just being paranoid.'_ Shaking his head slightly he continued. "Albus your missing the key point; I don't love her." Folding his arms over his chest he stared back at his mentor. A smile was plastered across the headmaster's face. "Love? My dear boy I said nothing about loving her."

Severus tensed he was right the old man didn't say anything about loving her. So why had he said it. "Regardless I know its going to come up. It always does." he replied trying to change tactics. Dumbledore merely chuckled. "Right you are. However you may not know or acknowledge it now. But the seed is there and soon she will grow on you. The more time you spend with her the stronger the bond will grow." Standing once more Severus walked over to the window.

"Albus how do I explain this to her? Its bad enough that one 'man' has hurt her and now she is basically tied down to me. Me?" "I'm sure she'll understand Severus. She trust you more then the rest of us anyhow." Dumbledore said looking off into the distance in great thought. Severus shrugged his shoulders before pressing his head against the window. "If that is all Headmaster I have a class to attend to soon." As he turned towards the door.

He was done having this conversation and needed sometime to think about this on his own. Just as his hand met the handle of the door he heard Albus call him back.

"One more thing my boy. Have you figured out anything about Miss. Granger's power surge?" Nodding his head yes he filled Albus in on what he learned. "It seems to only happen when she is emotionally unstable. For example when her emotions run high but something extremely unsettling has to trigger the first response. Soon the body starts to use this method as a outlet which is not very good. Because as she gets older her magic will get stronger, sooner or later if this isn't controlled it will kill her."

Dumbledore sat back in his chair thoughtfully. "Okay we will go into this in more detail when you have more time and hopefully when Miss. Granger is awake. This just proved something else I had in mind." Nodding Severus took his leave, thoughts bouncing around in his head.

~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry sat down at the lunch table feeling more guilty then ever. He could barely sleep last night the guilt eating at him. He had been the one to make Hermione so upset that she had a fainting spell. Pushing the food on his plate around he didn't notice Ron until he sat down across from him.

"What are you doing here Potter?" Harry looked up to his long time friend. "Ron please I came to apologize. It was wrong of me to abandon you and Hermione. But it was never my intentions to do so. I finally had freedom I could make more friends with not having to worry if I'll get them killed." When Ron said nothing he sighed. _'At lest I tired.' _he thought sadly.

Moving to stand he was halted by Ron's words. "If you let me have your BLT I will gladly accept your apology." Laughing slightly he handed his sandwich over to Ron who bit into with gusto. He almost forgotten how shallow minded Ron could be at times. "Where's Herm? She'll be glad to hear this." Trying to keep the sadness from washing over his face. He shrugged his shoulders. "You know how she is probably in the library."

"Yea I should have known that." said Ron with a slight chuckle. Harry only wished it was true.

~~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus watched as the last of his students filed out of the door. Waving his hand the door slammed closed, thanking Merlin that it was the last class of the day. Dropping in to his chair behind his desk he rubbed his temples to get rid of the headache that was approaching. Well…trying to anyway.

Giving up he pulled open his top drawer hoping to find a headache reliever. Only to come across a green journal, he recognized it instantly as Hermione's. He had forgotten all about it, remembering when she had passed it to him a few days ago after class. Then left without a word or so much as a glance back.

He never had time to read it so it laid forgotten in his desk. Looking at his pocket watch he realized he had a hour of free time. _'Now would be a good time.'_ he thought to himself. Leaning back in his chair he studied the cover of the book. He knew he was stalling he was still debating on actually reading it or not.

Taking a deep breath he closed his eyes and ran his hand across the smooth surface. Feeling the wards release themselves he opened the book.

~~~~~HGSS~~~~Journal~Entry~~~~~

**I'm not sure how to really start this off….never used a journal for this purpose before. But I guess the beginning is a good place to start off.**

**It all started two days before Christmas. Dec.23, 1994. **

"**Mum! I need to go to the store for some more eggnog!" I yelled up stairs. "No I will go! A storm is coming up!" she yelled back. I frowned slightly but walked back into the kitchen to finish up dinner. Soon I heard footstep coming down the stairs. **

**Turning around I greeted my mother. "You know mum maybe you should go later. It does look pretty bad outside." The wind had picked up and snow was beginning to fall a lot faster then before. I was a tad bit worried about letting her go.**

**She walked over to me and kissed the top of my head. "I'll be fine. In and out no problem. Besides you were the one who was about to go out. Now is there anything else we need while I'm out?" I got out some paper and made a list of things. "Mum promise me if things get to bad you'll turn back around. Please." Giving me a smile she hugged and me before taking the list. "I promise."**

**Those were the last words I heard from her. 'I promise'. I don't even like to hear those words anymore. They only bring back the pain I feel every time I hear them. The empty echo, the empty reminder of what happened as they ring in my ear. Those two words haunt my dreams over and over again.**

**When I got the phone call I was just setting the table. Dad had just gotten home from work, mum was still out. Dad picked up the phone in the living room. I could her the panic in his voice stopping everything I was doing I walked into the room.**

**He was crying. I never seen my dad cry before and it really scared me. "Dad? What's going on?" I asked. He didn't say a word. He grabbed his coat before he spoke to me. "Get your jacket on." before he turned and walked out the door. **

**A million thoughts ran through my mind as we drove through the storm at a slow rate. It was then that I realized we were heading to the hospital. "Dad? Why are we going to the hospital?" he didn't answer it was almost as if he was in a daze. "Dad?"**

"**Please princess just be quiet it will be explained when we get there." his voice was like a whisper. Sitting back I waited. We pulled into the parking lot, we all but ran to the receptionist area. Once we said our names we were taken to the ER.**

**Once we were there my heart fell. There behind the curtains was my mum and around her four doctors trying to start her heart again. She was cut up pretty badly her legs appeared to be broken and her right radius bone was showing through the skin.**

**I couldn't help it I fell to my knees no sound came out of my mouth as I weep quietly. I could hear my dad in the back ground shouting for them to help her. They had moved us to a private room and explained what happened.**

**A car crash had occurred on her way back home. A car crash was going to take the life of my mother. A car crash.**

**Once everything was explained a second doctor came in and told us that my mother was dead. And we were allowed to say your goodbyes. Numbly I walked into the room followed by my dad. Once we were left alone my dad turned to me with hope in his eyes.**

"**You can bring her back can't you?" I sadly shook my head. "I wish I could but I can't." Tears poured down his face. "You can't or you won't?" I was shocked. "What good is having a witch for a daughter if she can't even bring back the dead?!" he exclaimed.**

**I tried to tell myself he didn't mean it. "Your useless Hermione. Useless." In the back of my mind I couldn't help but think that he was right. Maybe I am useless. **

~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~

Severus sat back in his chair thinking and going over what he just read. It was a mixture of different types of feelings. Rubbing his temples he decided to sort through things later but for now he need a headache reliever before he went and sat by her side.

~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus stared out the window of the Hospital Wing the pale light shining brightly. The shadows playing in the dark corner of the room. Closing his eyes he let loose a long sigh. His mind was a complete wreck thoughts bouncing around jumbled and screwed.

Even when he played as a double spy his thoughts were more controlled then this. _'It's not ever day you get told you're connected to a woman emotionally with no say whatsoever. How am I going to tell her? How will she react? How will it effect her mentally? ' _Growling slightly he shook his head.

"What's…on…your…mind?" Severus jumped slightly. It was so quiet he would have thought he imagined if it hadn't been for the movement and groan that followed. Giving her his full attention he stood. "Hermione don't move you're still not fully healed." as he helped her into a comfortable position. "You didn't…answer…my question." her voice was weak as he watched her to struggle to breath.

"Quiet Hermione don't waste your breath. You punctured a lung. What were you thinking you idiotic girl? Don't you know how close you were to death?" He was absolutely furious with her but at the same time he couldn't help the flood of relief it brought him.

He watched as she frowned slightly and turned her head away from him. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath before sitting on the edge of the bed. "Hermione please look at me." he saw the tears fall as she blinked up at him. Taking his thumb he gently wiped them away feeling her flinch slightly at the contact.

"Hermione.." his voice but a whisper. "You have to understand that you cant keep doing this. There are people here that care for you, whether you know it or not. What if no ones there to help you?" Closing his eyes he continued. "What if I'm not there to help you? I don't know what I will do if that happens Hermione. I don't want to have to think about that with you." The pain and anger was etched on his face clear as day for all to see.

There it was. Everything was laid out in the open and he felt something almost click. Like something was there but it didn't quite click all the way. He didn't feel as empty as he use too, and a warm sensation washed over him. It felt…nice.

His eyes flew open as he felt a cool hand wipe away the tear he didn't know had fell. "I'm…sorry." came the rasp whisper. Sighing Severus removed her hand from his face. "Sometimes sorry is not good enough. Sorry doesn't take away the fear Hermione."

Silence stretched between the two as each person was lost in there own thought. Severus looked down at his hand noticing how his engulfed hers. Before realizing this is probably the closet anyone as been to her. He noticed her watching their hands also, confusion written on her face.

Slowly he removed his hand from hers before clearing his throat. "I'll be back, Poppy should be notified." he said before turning on his heel. "Poppy?" he called. "Oh Severus, yes, is something wrong with Miss. Granger?" panic heard in her voice. "No she seems okay however, she is now awake and trying to speak."

The sentence barely left his lips before the nurse bustled past him. Shaking his head he walked back into the room to find the patron fussing over the slightly startled Hermione. Suppressing a smirk he wander over to her side before giving her hand a brief squeeze. "How is she?" he asked.

Poppy mumble under her breath before she paid any attention to his question. "Everything has healed okay, not as much as I want it to. However it is enough that she can leave the Wing first thing in the morning." turning back to face Hermione she handed over a purple potion. "Here you go dear drink this and that'll clear up and sooth your lungs." her voice stern but gently.

Looking down at the joined hands Poppy gave Severus a slight smile. "I assume you'll be watching over Miss. Granger, Severus?" a smile turning up the edges of her lips. Severus removed his hand he didn't even know that he still had her hand. From her slightly colored face neither did she. Clearing his throat he spoke. "That would be up to the Headmaster." Poppy nodded her head slightly before finishing up her duties. "Well if you are she needs to take these for at least three days. It'll help clear up any extra fluid." Then she bustled back out the room.

Severus placed the potion bottles inside his inner pocket. Before sitting back down in his chair. "Professor?" Taking a deep breath he turned his towards her. "Get some rest Miss. Granger you got a long day tomorrow." Grabbing a extra bottle out of his pocket he helped administer it to her. "To help you sleep." he said needlessly.

"Thank..you..Severus." he watched as her eyes slide shut. "Your welcome Hermione." he whispered back.


	16. Chapter 15

**My Dark Secret**

**Chapter fifteen: Soul Guardians **

**So I'm back and over my writer's block. Life is finally allowing me some time to write and get back on track. Between getting ready to go in the army and no internet its been hard. But here I am. Whoop Whoop. Hope the last chapter cleared up some stuff for you. Lol or did it make it worse? Anyway enough chit chat on with the story. I own nothing but plot.**

Hermione slowly opened her eyes only to close them tightly once more as the sun's rays blinded her. Turning her head slightly she noticed Severus's sleeping form beside her. His facial features were relaxed and not so many harsh lines marred his face. The sunlight glittered off his raven black hair giving it almost a blue hue. He was almost cute in away.

Fighting the blush that threaten to rise to her cheeks she looked up at the ceiling in thought. She thought about what Severus had told her last night. _**"What if I'm not there to help you? I don't know what I will do if that happens Hermione. I don't want to have to think about that with you."**_ She was very shocked to hear that, that maybe he wasn't just there because he was order to.

However that just opened up more questions. '_Why would he care? Does he have feelings for me?' _Shaking her head slightly she tried to clear her thoughts. Looking over at him she felt the heat of a blush creep upon her face. _'Do I have feelings for him?'_ She defiantly shook her head clear of that thought. There was no way, then again she never felt like this before. Not even with Victor Krum, but why now? Why him?

"I can practically hear the wheels turning in your head." Hermione jumped at the deep voice. The sudden movement causing her to inhale sharply over expanding her bad lung_. _Grabbing her chest she hissed softly as she tried to ease the pain.

Turning her head she glared weakly at him. "My apologizes Hermione." flicker of concern pasted over his face before it went neutral. Sighing softly she laid back deep into her pillow. "How are you feeling this morning?" She knew the question was meant to sound indifferent however she heard the undertone. Looking back at him she looked him over before turning to look at the ceiling once again. "I'm fine."

Hermione saw him roll his eyes at her antics. "I'm still a little sore but other than that I'm fine. Happy now?" Crossing her arms she sat up as straight as she could. She was ready to get out the hospital and away from him. She wasn't thinking straight right now and needed sometime alone.

"Indeed." came Severus baritone voice, Hermione rolled her eyes. In all honesty she never felt better. She felt light and at ease much more like her normal self but why. "In case your wandering the potion I gave you had a spike of calming drought in it. You're going to need it." With his help she turned onto her side and watched him.

"You do know its rude to stare." he said. "Well professor it's also rude to read people's private thoughts." he at least had the decency to look shameful. She could have a laughed, but she had long ago forgotten how to do that. Just as she was about to ask why she would need it Professor Dumbledore appeared.

"Ahh Miss. Granger glad to see you awake and well. Calming drought I believe." Hermione quirked an eyebrow as the Headmaster gave Severus a pointed and annoyed look. "I thought it would help Headmaster." before he stood from his chair and looked at her. "Miss. Granger are you able to stand?" Hermione shrugged her shoulders and moved to stand. Her feet touching the cold floor of the infirmary.

She eased herself into standing the stand position. "Very well Miss. Granger I'll have a House Elf retrieve your things from your rooms. Then meet me in my office." with a nod both the Headmaster and Severus left. Hermione sat back on the bed and closed her eyes. She hated to be this calm, it was a nice feeling from the normal stressed and depression of the day. However she felt less alert and that was not a good feeling.

Sighing she took her normal potion and wincing at the horrible taste of it. Shifting slightly on the small bed she let her thoughts wander off again. _'He does care.'_ she thought. Shaking her head she grumbled to herself quietly. "It's the stupid potion making me feel this way." However even she knew that to be a lie.

She just never had a chance till now to sit and think calmly and relax. No there was always other things to think about. Like if she was going to get a decent meal or if she'll survive to see another day. Or more then not since she been back to school. Horrible dreams or memories sometimes both. Even the thought of the Halloween Ball did nothing for her.

All the thoughts she was having now had nothing to do with the potion. No it was all her and she knew it. She even felt it. The small flicker of joy whenever she saw him now and days. However it was soon stomped out as fast as it had come. Her father ruined whatever love she had, making her nerves jumpy as soon as she was in a room with more than just one man. Making going to classes unbearable even around Ron and Harry.

Hermione was soon startled out of her thoughts as Winky popped into the room. "Winky is sorry miss." cried the little house elf. "Hermione nodded her head. "It's okay." The elf bowed low before laying her robes upon the bed before bowing again popping out of the room before she even had a chance to thank her.

Sighing softly Hermione pulled on her school uniform and robes. Slowly she made her way out of the room towards the Headmaster's Office. After receiving a long lecture about her potion and health. Now shuffling her way down the hall she began to get short of breath as she climbed the stairs. Once at the top she stopped to catch her breath.

Her chest aching at the abuse in such a short amount of time. Madam Pomfery had warned her about that. However she had to reach her destination. Sliding down the wall she decided to rest a bit. Finally it hit her. Severus had said she would need the calming drought, although he never said for what. Many unwanted thoughts ran through her mind. Many evolving her father's wrath.

Shaking her head slightly she focused on breathing for now. She'll have to find out when she got there. Placing her cold mask upon her features she got up and continued forth. Her hand sliding across the wall as she continued forward. The heavy thudding her feet pounding a beat into the floor echoed around her. All to soon she came to another set of stairs.

Closing her eyes tears of frustration tried to slide down her face but she wiped them away hastily. Suddenly she felt a hand grab her shoulder, causing her to jump violently. "Sorry Hermione didn't mean to scare you. Didn't you hear me call you?" asked Harry as Hermione turned towards him. "Uh no, no I didn't." she replied while silently kicking herself for not paying attention. _'Severus and that damnable potion.'_ Her brows furrowed at the thought. "Hello earth to Hermione." Blinking Hermione focus back on Harry. "I'm sorry Harry what were you saying?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Harry watched her for a second, she seemed a bit better. Not as jumpy and wild as she was the other day. Which brought him back to why he had searched for her in the first place. Taking a step forward he watched as she took one back as well. Coming to a halt he shoved his hands into his pocket with his head bent to the floor.

"I'd just like to apologize for my actions. I shouldn't have pushed you into trying to tell me anything." Taking a deep breath he continued. "I can promise you I will never make the same mistake again. I just wish you would talk to me about this…whatever it is." As he finished he looked up to meet her gaze.

A look of sourness was written across her face. Harry thought for sure that he had lost a good friend. _'Not now not when I just got Ron back.'_ Clearing his throat awkwardly he spoke again. "I understand if you don't want to be fri-" He paused in his sentence when he felt a light touch on his hand.

Harry looked down then back to his close friend. "It's okay I forgive you." A huge grin stretched across his face. A slight cough told him they were not alone. "Miss. Granger…Mr. Potter." Suppressing a groan he turned to find Professor Snape standing at the top of the stair case.

Slipping his hand from Hermione's grasp he focused on Snape. The movement was not lost on him as he watched a flicker on emotion or what seemed to be emotion pass the cold mask. "Sir…" was all he could get out before Snape laid in on him.

"Mr. Potter as much as you love to stroll about the halls to do what you wish. Holding up others specially those who have places to be is not tolerated now I suggest you go to class now!" Harry was use to this level of venom spewed at him so he merely turned to Hermione ignoring Snape completely. Knowing it would make the older man mad.

"I'll see you later?" he wasn't so sure if she was willing to hang out with him just because he apologized. "Yeah I'll see you later Harry." Nodding his head he left without another word.

Hermione turned towards Severus once Harry was out of sight. Before she could even say a word he was upon her. "Are you okay? If he has touched you or harmed you I'-" Hermione raised a brow at him it was interesting to see how he was reacting. "I'm fine he merely wanted to apologize for his behavior." At this she watched as his body language relaxed slightly.

'_Why do you care?'_ she thought as she cocked her head to the side. He was a puzzle that she wanted to figure out yet…it was better left alone. "Shall we continue professor?" In all truth she was tired and wanted nothing better than to sit down. Her ribs hurt, it was agonizing pain to breath even with the potion in effect and her whole body was stiff from being immobilized for three days.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus narrowed his eyes at her. _'Stupid girl I know she's in pain why doesn't she just say so.' _Closing his eyes he let out a silent sigh. "Winky." He called into the empty hallway, a loud pop sounded beside them. "Winky is here Master Snape." cried the little elf happily. "Transport us to the Headmaster's office please." He held out his hand for Hermione to take.

After a second he felt the small weight of her hand in his. In the same position he caught Potter in. He wasn't sure how he felt about that, the sight brought back buried memories he didn't wish to be repeated. No she was his and whether it was as friends or more than that. He would not lose her.

Closing his eyes he waited for the tug of apparition. When he opened his eyes again he was standing in front of a slightly startled Dumbledore. Smirking to himself he actually scared the old man who in turn frowned at him. _**'I'm going to get you back for that Severus.' **_The words bounced around in his head.

Clearing his throat he directed Hermione to a seat before a taking a seat himself. His eyes darted over to the young woman beside him before focusing on the Headmaster. _'Here we go.'_ He thought to himself preparing for the confrontation that was to beginning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hermione sat down her eyes darting between the Headmaster and Severus. She didn't like this even with the calming drought in her system, and even that was beginning to lose its effect. The fears and anxiety creeping over her, her nerves coming back skittish and over worked.

No this was not a good feeling however she embraced it back with open arms placing it back on like a second skin. _'Why must I feel this way?'_ she couldn't help but ask herself. Only to get no reply back, only the silence in her empty mind.

"How are you feeling Miss. Granger?" asked the Headmaster. But his words seemed sluggish and a consent ringing sound had overpowered her hearing. Was the pain medication wearing off or was the pain always this unbearable? The knowledge of what filth she was flowing over her, the guilt and all that came with it crashing over her.

Drowning her.

Hermione was startled from her thoughts by a warm hand on her shoulder. "Hermione, please you have to calm down" the deep voice was like a cooling balm on her wounds as they craved themselves into her skin. It wasn't till she put a face to the voice that she fully came out of her thoughts.

She turned her head to look at him the worry was written across his face plainly. Taking a moment to look around the room it than what she had done. Glass littered the floor of the room as jars and bottles of every kind burst, spilling all of its contents upon the floor.

Pushing herself into the chair even further she hesitantly spoke. "I'm so sorry." She whispered. She watched a Severus released a small sigh before waving his hand and cleaning up the mess. "The drought is wearing off isn't it." it was more of a statement but she answered nonetheless with a small nod.

"Then we best move along with the conversation." This statement coming from the Headmaster whom she forgot was even here. The pressure of being in the same room with two other men unnerved her greatly however, she did her best to pay attention.

"Miss. Granger when was the first time that you been able to do that?" the forward look in his eyes told Hermione that he already knew the answer and the cause behind it or something close to it. _'Do they know what's wrong with me?'_ she thought. _'And if so what could be so bad that they figured I would need to have calming drought in my system?'_ Thoughts bounced around in her head.

Closing her eyes she took a breath to steady her mind when she opened her eyes she spoke. "Um when I had turned 18." She didn't like to think about that day, so much horror took place. They must have saw her eyes as they glossed over as she threaten to fabric the memory. One she tried for so long to forget.

A pair of warm hands covered hers. "Don't look back Hermione. Look at me focus on my voice." Hermione forced herself to look him in the eyes. Those dark black eyes as his presence filled her mind. Smoothing her from the inside out, she allowed him in.

'_I trust you.'_

Hermione felt how shocked he was at her admission. So was she, she never thought that she would be able to fully trust him. But after spending time with him after the first few months, even if they didn't really talk on a more personal level. He never told nor did he judge, she guessed that was probably because he had been through the same and worse. Knowing that he had similar experience to hers was comforting in a weird way, but it worked.

Looking in to his eyes she nodded her head before she focused back on the Headmaster. Pulling in a deep breath of air she closed her eyes for a moment to gather her thoughts. Opening her eyes she waited for the Headmaster to continue. "Miss. Granger we don't have to continue if you do not feel well enough to go on." as much as she wanted to stop and run away as far away as she could it was not truly an option.

She knew this game very well. _'Or he truly means it and your just being paranoid.' _Giving a tight smile that she did not mean she shook her head. "I'm fine professor, please continue."

~~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~~~~

Severus watched Hermione struggle with the question and felt the trust she had put towards him. _'If she trust me so much than why won't she speak more during her sessions?_'Putting that thought to the back for later he continued to comfort her till she gave him the say so allowing her to pick up where she trailed off at.

She was doing rather well so far with being in here with both him and the Headmaster. That's not to say it wasn't there after years of being a death eater he knew panic and fear when he saw it. Her cold mask of indifference was in place but everything else was bubbling underneath.

He saw the mask quiver when Albus offered to let her leave if she felt she was not up to it. He almost wish she would've left, instead she gave a fake tight lipped smile and asked him to continue. Deciding to switch tactics to see where her mindset was he changed the conversation.

"Actually if I may Headmaster ask a question?" With the consent of Albus he turned more towards Hermione. "Hermione do you remember what you did in my office that night?" He already knew that she did but it was never a bad thing to recheck and make sure everyone was on the same page. "Yes I do professor, I tried to kill myself." Her voice was cold now and eyes dark and dead. _'She's trying to close herself off again.'_ Narrowing his eyes he continued.

"Yes, yes you did. However, do you remember what happened before you began to bleed to death on my floor." He knew he hit a nerve as he watched her flinch. "Only bits and pieces sir." Leaning back in his chair he frowned slightly. "Do you remember what you said to me or what you did to the room?" Severus watched as her she frowned as she tried to remember only to shake her head no. "I'm sorry professor I don't, I just remember being so angry and upset. However, the rest is a blur."

Standing he began to pace. "Does this normally happen when your upset or angry?" Stopping to look out the window he waited for her response. There was a pause before she spoke. "Not always but sometimes more then not I can feel it. Like a mass of energy trapped inside it burns sometimes, but other then that I just wake up to the destruction."

Closing his eyes he let out a sigh before turning around and leaning against the window. "Miss. Granger how much do you know about souls?"

~~~~~~~~~HGSS~~~~~~~~~

Hermione heard the lecture tone in his voice and out of habit of the old days sat up a bit straighter. "Not much just the muggle version of it. That when one dies the soul goes to Heaven or Hell. However there are different versions such as turning into animals or coming back as a reincarnation of ones self." She saw the smirk on his face as she gave her answer.

"Glad to see that you do still retain some sort of knowledge. However, lately you couldn't tell that from your grades this year. But that's another subject for a later time. What you have said is true, however, it is entirely different for those of magical inherent." Hermione leaned forward a bit she was curious, she didn't know much about the souls of wizards and witches nor what happened to them after the body was laid to rest so to speak.

"There are few people in the world that are so powerfully connected with their soul that it has the power to manifest as energy. As a wizard or witch this can be extremely dangerous to everyone around or the caster themselves if they don't know how to control it." Hermione waited on bated breath. _'Am I one of those few?'_ She thought to herself. Pulling from her thoughts she did her best to focus which was getting hard by the minute as the pain pounded at her body and mind threaten to go blank. Watching as Severus began to pace she eased slowly back into her seat the room felt two times smaller and cramp.

"You Hermione are one of the few people in the world that hold this…power. The intense burning sensation and bit of memory lost is the after effect of the soul…" She watched as he paused as if trying to find the correct word for the description. Seeming to give up he continued. "the after effect of the soul trying to escape." Hermione gasped her eyes wide as she tried to calm herself but it wasn't working.

Gathering what little thoughts she had she spoke. "What do you mean professor?" She watched as he turned fully to her. "Meaning Miss. Granger that if you don't get this under control. Not only could you die but you could take out everyone and everything from a few hundred meters to a five mile radius." Hermione sat still as she tried to fully understand what was being said to her. Closing her eyes she willed herself to stay calm and focus.

Opening them again she looked back at her professor. "How do I…control it or stop that from happening?" She didn't care what happened to herself but if others were involved especially the whole school she didn't want to be responsible for so much death.

Severus leaned with his back against the wall trying to figure out how he was going to answer the question. "Miss. Granger do you know what a Soul Guardian is?" The girl shook her head no. Moving from the wall he began to pace the floor again. "A Soul Guardian is someone who is a…protector of a certain soul. There have only been a handful of them in the whole existence of humans. They don't know the are one until they come in contact with a Soul Caster."

With his hands folded behind his back he studied her for a bit before continuing. "You; Hermione are a Soul Caster. Many don't have a Soul Guardian and therefore are sent to isolated regions of the world to be released so to speak. Then we cover it up by explaining it as a meteorite that has crashed into the earth." Turning back to her he sat down beside her taking her trembling hand in his.

"Your case is different however so know need to be so fearful. We know who your guardian is."

**There you are a nice long chapter. I thought I'd owned it to you for taking so long. Might be awhile before I get to the next but I promise its already in progress and will be post soon hopefully. So keep reviewing and reading it helps out a lot. Nd if you have any ideas for what you would like to happen. Jus PM me. - Mcnasty P.S im working on something new also :)**


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